Breaking up through email/text: the new normal

Men use to write love letters on pieces of paper and would take days if not weeks to reach their destination. It used to be a grand romantic gesture that women would swoon over, fall madly in love and even books were written about this kind of romance. Now with the invention of the Internet, this romantic gesture seems to be long gone. Yes, people send emails confessing their love but more importantly, and might I add cowardly, men are suing emails and text to breakup with their lovers. Songs have been written about it (mostly by Taylor Swift) but it shows this growing trend of making the breakup less personal and a lot more digital. There is no face to face, no seeing the other person cry, no begging your lover why he is doing this. This digital breakup is a quick cut, leaving the other person high and dry and baffled and stunned. Breaking up is never easy, regardless of the relationship, but to do it over an email/text shows how men are cowards. A poll done by Cosmo (I know not the best source for information) showed that that 27 percent of women claimed they were dumped via a digital way. Although women, you are not free from committing this relationship crime either. A PEW research poll showed that 18 percent of woman are doing it as well.

I noticed this trend when it happened to a close friend of mine, a cousin and me. I just thought my breakup was a unique one since I was living in a different country than my partner, and I was baffled when I received a Facebook message in all capitols that said we were never NOTHING, but that is for a different story to tell. But my friend and cousin’s situation were a lot different. The men were living in the same city; however, these classy guys decided the best way to end their perspective relationship was through the digital world. In an episode of “Sex and The City”, Carrie gets dumped through a post-it note and when she reads it, the guy is long gone.  When she runs into the ex-lover’s friends, she makes a fool of herself by going off on the guy’s friends over this post-it breakup. Carrie’s burst of anger is what many feel when these email/text breakups occur.  It creates a heightened sense of animosity.

So why do men feel like this is the most appropriate way of ending their relationship? Do they feel that avoiding face to face encounter will bring the worst in women or their lover? Is it much easier and faster to avoid all that pain and anguish that breaking up causes by doing it over email/text? I get it. It’s uncomfortable to breakup with someone whether it be a four month or a three year relationship, however, doing it over an email only shows that you have no balls. Men are constantly scratching them and making sure they are there so why not use them to get some courage and be respectful of that person and let them know that hey, things aren’t working out. Use the line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but at least give them the respect they so rightly deserve regardless of how crazy you think that person is and let them know in person that it’s over.

This email/text breakup is never okay. Yes, emails/text are a fast way to communicate your thoughts and feelings to someone, but ultimately we are still human and part of being human is interacting humanly. The temptation might be there to breakup digitally because it’s so easy but suck it up! Men, please grow some balls, and the next time you decide to breakup with your girl, don’t send them a text. It not only makes you look childish but you will be forever known as that guy who broke up over an email/text, whichever the preference may be.

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Haiku, Pikachu…

As part of the DP Challenge, I decided to partake in the Haiku poetry quest. Here is what I came up with:

 

Copper colored pavements

leafs scattered across the road

time has stopped, frozen

 

 

 

Leafs laugh with its touch

It tugs and pulls to play

Effortlessly they let go

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Noises from the other side of the wall

Rhythmic and flowing

He moans

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Half a memory remains

A picture torn

A lover gone

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The man bootie shorts equates getting a man?

During this past summer, I noticed men wearing tight shorts, in what I call the man-bootie short. I am sure there is a real name for them but for now this is what I’ll call them. I know you’ve probably seen them because they are worn very tightly and sometimes come in bright colors. It was more apparent over the weekend how very popular they are, of course mostly among gay men. Straight men on the other hand wear shorts that are showing half of their underwear, but that’s for a different conversation. Over the weekend I visited San Francisco. I noticed more and more how all these guys who were wearing these tight bootie shorts were walking around holding hands with, of course, another guy wearing tight bootie shorts. My friends joked around that if I wanted to be walking around holding a guy’s hand that I should be lining up at American Eagle or The Gap or wherever these shorts are being sold. I laughed and brushed it off but it got my neurons all thinking and my eye-brow slightly raised. What if they were right? Did I need those tight shorts to get a man?

I was wearing shorts but not the tight, can-barely-breath, showing ball camel-tow as my friend clearly pointed out. If I was wearing those shorts, I would have a man muffin top and that is clearly not the way to get a man. But as I looked more and more, I kept noticing, yes, the tight buns these guys had, but also the more paired up they were. All these guys holding hands wearing tight bootie shorts, and there I was wearing my slightly loose shorts and walking around with my hands in my pocket. I joked that I needed to go buy me a pair to be like those guys, not so much so I could look incredibly hot and disgustingly uncomfortable but so that I could be walking around holding hands with someone.

I also noticed other guys not wearing the bootie short, however, and more to my point, they were not walking around holding hands. These guys were attractive, like me, wearing normal clothing, jeans, shorts or some not wearing anything at all. It was San Francisco on a sunny day, just a reminder, but my compadres here were all walking around probably noticing all these guys with tight bootie shorts happily partnered up! I have to admit, that I got a little sad and jealous for two particular reasons: one, because I couldn’t fit into those damn shorts but more importantly, it made me miss the idea of being able to hold someone’s hand. A very simple yet intimate display of affection. I wanted to be walking around holding hands, not so much to parade that I had a lover, but to feel someone’s hand and be able to squeeze it a little to let him know that I cared and hopefully get that same squeeze back. So in my very diluted mind, I equated that for me to get a guy told hold my hand that I needed to squeeze into those bootie shorts. My reasoning is far more advanced than any other human being out there. Has anyone else noticed this trend? Am I the only one?

Online dating etiquette

Where has all the romance gone from online dating? I remember the days when you would chat endlessly until the wee hours of the night laughing and giggling like innocent children at all the comic and witty comments being exchanged rather rapidly. It was, in a rather unconventional way, a way to get to know someone. I bring this up because today I received a message from someone and when I opened up this message, the first thing I see is a picture of the guy’s asshole and then a ‘hi’. I wasn’t really sure what to respond to that. “Nice asshole,” maybe? I don’t know. And if that wasn’t enough, someone else asked me to rub soap on their ass after we had just exchanged hellos. I wish I could say this is the first time it has happened.  Am I just attracting assholes? (Only the story of my life!)

I am not exactly sure what to think about it either. I am not on a site that is strictly for sex nor am I asking for it. Nothing in my profile says I want to see pictures of a guy’s asshole or any other private part for that matter. I am confused. If I was to be, let’s say at a bar, would someone come up to me, pull down their pants, bend over and show me their asshole and then say hi? Is this the new proper way of introduction now? Am I missing something?

I know with all this increased technology, especially on our phones, where this actually happened, we chat more comfortably and exchange pictures as it they were currency. Privacy doesn’t seem to exist anymore and neither does leaving anything to the imagination. We are in the age of ‘I’ll send you mine if you send me yours.’ We are in such a hurry to know exactly what the other looks like naked that if we were to actually (God forbid) meet then we would know our soon-to-be-lover has a scar on the lower torso or that their ass is far more harrier than their chest. Where is the art of discovering your lover’s body? Yes, I understand that sometimes it’s good to know the mess we are getting into beforehand which might avoid awkward moments, but are we becoming so superficial that we rather know off hand what we look like naked before even meeting? Is this a cultural norm now? Should I be expected to have a naked picture to send if I decide to do this online dating thing? If I was to decide to send my picture to someone then my very white ass body could be floating out there being looked at and desired, of course, by whomever.

The picture of the asshole, literally an asshole, got me thinking of how much online dating has changed. It’s not cute anymore. It’s not fun. Instead of putting a picture of our best smile, now we are putting pictures of our ass or crotch or six-pack abs (which isn’t always bad to look at but whatever) and having to decide whether or not we would talk to this person based on the latter. I get it that by putting salacious pictures will undoubtedly attract a salacious person. I don’t judge people for what they do. We all do it for our own peculiar reasons. What I do, however, mind is seeing someone’s a-hole before even exchanging a nice ‘hello, how are you?’ Although some could just argue that I am just being rather prude and need to get with the new program. I like to think I have some sort of values that I go by. But you could be the judge of that.

The best things about the 90s

I was a teen in the 90s and listening to music from this decade last night took me back to a much simpler time and made me miss the hell out of them. Things were great. The nation was growing, the economy wasn’t in total chaos, and Bill Clinton was President. It was an awesome time to be growing up. Because I can and have too much time on my hands, I made a list of the things I miss the most from this slammin’ decade.

  1. High school – Yes I know high school still exists and will continue to exist but I grew up as a teen in the 90s and even though I grew in a small town surrounded by peach orchards where I would work during the summers, the experience is not like anything else. Yes, it got boring and the highlight of high school was going to the Friday night football games and going out drinking in the orchards. But isn’t this what high school is all about? Now I mostly worry about money, jobs and unemployment.
  2. 2. Gangsta Rap – I am not much of a rap person now mostly because it’s boring and doesn’t really speak about anything but having money and Gucci wear, but back in the 90s you had artist who would rap about the struggles of living in poverty. We had rap artists like NWA and Arrested Development who made social commentaries about gang violence and race which plagued urban cities. And sitting in the back of my brother’s Buick with wolf speakers and cruising in the streets just adds to the nostalgia.
  3. No cell phones – Yes, those giant cell phones existed a-la Zack Morris and Nokia came out with a bunch of smaller phones towards the end of the 90s but the most you could do was make phone calls with them. They didn’t have all the gadgets the smart cell phones carry and people would actually have to communicate with each other. I know that this concept has left main stream society since now we are mostly looking down at our phones to check out our social networks that we forget to be social with other humans surrounding us.
  4. Friends” – It had 6 very attractive people to watch but most importantly it was funny! It brought the Rachel cut and Phoebe’s “Smelly Cat” song.  It also gave us the Ross and Rachel will-they-or-won’t-they get together that gripped the nation for 10 years.
  5. MTV – Back in the day’s it actually played music videos unlike the reality shows it now tends to air. I haven’t watched MTV in recent years but all I know is that they air shows like Jersey Shore and 16 and Pregnant. Back in my day, they had Yo! MTV Raps and Alternative Nation where they played music videos and had VJ’s hosting. I remember staying up late to get to watch the shows and see if my favorite music video would pop up. I guess YouTube is our new MTV.
  6. TGIF – The TV shows on ABC not the restaurant. I wasn’t the most popular kid in high school so on Friday night I would stay home and watch the Step-by-Step gang and my all-time favorite Perfect Strangers! I didn’t need to be hanging out with the cool kids when I had this going on on TGIF.  Now all I want on TGIF is happy hour drinks!
  7. AOL – That was the place to go for the internet and to chat. It gave us all the acronyms were now using when we text. LOL would not exist without AOL. Just saying.
  8. Alanis Morissette/Shakira en Español  – I miss Alanis who rocked the 90s with her feisty lyrics in “Jagged Little Pill” about going down on a guy in a theater and about an old man winning the lottery and dying the next day.  Isn’t it Ironic? Well, not really but it was so awesome that  I used to play this record on a cassette player (which I also miss but not so much) over and over until the tape wore off.  Now we have Miley Cyrus who thinks she’s punk. I miss Alanis! Shakira rocked when she sang in Spanish. She also had that angst and earthy kind of lyrics.
  9. Napster – I know this caused many problems for music companies and musicians but for many broke kids this was perfect! I didn’t catch onto it right away but once I realized that I could download music for free I jumped on the bandwagon like everyone else.
  10. Tae Bo – Yes I ordered Billy Blanks tapes and worked out in the privacy of my Nino’s garage when no one was there. I am not ashamed to admit to it (maybe just a little). Billy had me kicking off the pounds my senior year of high school.

Where you a kid of the 90’s? What do you miss the most?

The Blackout Experience

The Hangover” was basically a movie about the every-man/woman experience of a drunken night out in Las Vegas and waking up the next day with out a trace of memory of what occurred.  I call it the blackout experience where you don’t remember what happened during a night of excessive alcoholic libations. When I watched the Hangover, I thought it was alright. It had some funny moments but I didn’t really quite understand what that experience of blacking out was all about.

Every time I drink or have been drunk, I have always been a responsible drunk who at least knows how to get back home (walking of course) and can remember exactly what happened during the night out.  I remember what was done and said including intonations. All that changed this weekend. I experienced the infamous blackout that was portrayed in “The Hangover.”  I was, of course, not in Las Vegas, but just celebrating my birthday in my town. I thought it would be like any of my other birthday’s or any other weekend I decided to go out. I’d get a few friends to go out to the bars and have a few drinks and come home and have the room spinning for a bit, possibly vomit (responsibly in the toilet) but I would know exactly what I did the night before when I’d wake up.

But that all changed at the ripe old age of 35! Yes 35! I know all who experience this do so in their twenties but like I had mentioned before, I have always been a responsible drinker. Always puking in the toilet and never in anyone’s car or carpet– always responsible.  However, this past weekend, I don’t remember pretty much anything from the night. I am not exactly sure how to feel about that. Should I be proud that I finally had a night of irresponsible drinking and managed to let loose? Or should I be sort of ashamed and worried that I let myself drink to the point of not remembering what I did during a night of drinking?Drunk Man Funny Sleep

When I woke up the next morning, I was in the bathroom (responsible puking still in me) but could not remember how I ended up there (not responsible). I tried to remember as hard as I could what had happened the night before and why there were so many leaves in my house: in the kitchen, the bedroom, the closet and the bathroom. However, my mind drew a blank to all of this and my pounding head wouldn’t allow me to think of much else but my pounding head. I remember the initial going out and meeting at a bar and having a few beers, but after that nothing. All memories wiped out by alcohol. Now if alcohol could only work to wipe out other memories one does not want to recall.

After waking up mid-afternoon, my friends, who I thought had spent the night, had left and I could not find my house keys. Details of the night slowly began to emerge since Facebook can now help with that by the many jokes my friends were posting about soda. I, of course, had no idea what they were talking about. I asked one of my cousins, where my keys were at, and I finally found them hanging on the door (the last place I would have looked). I asked a different friend what had happened and he sent me a picture since pictures speak louder than words. When I looked at the picture, I was still a bit drunk; I laughed, but then realized I was rolling around in the street. My friend not only told me that I rolled around in the street but also fell into some bushes and most of the walk home I crawled, not walked. He also said I fell asleep outside, vomited on myself (irresponsible puking), and I was cut off drinking at the bar, and he ordered me a soda.

I, apparently, thought this soda was the best alcoholic beverage ever! And this is where the soda jokes were coming from. Hey, I am a happy drunk, what can I say? I also woke up with bruises all over my body, probably from falling down so many times as I was told. Although this night may not have been quite the experience like “The Hangover” with no missing tooth or tigers in my bathroom, it was fun to see pictures on my phone that I don’t  remember taking and making it home without  losing my wallet or phone and dignity. The responsible drunk was still in me. Again, I am not sure how I should feel about the  experience, but I can say without a doubt it was a fun night out with friends celebrating and for once letting my inhibitions loose.