The man bootie shorts equates getting a man?

During this past summer, I noticed men wearing tight shorts, in what I call the man-bootie short. I am sure there is a real name for them but for now this is what I’ll call them. I know you’ve probably seen them because they are worn very tightly and sometimes come in bright colors. It was more apparent over the weekend how very popular they are, of course mostly among gay men. Straight men on the other hand wear shorts that are showing half of their underwear, but that’s for a different conversation. Over the weekend I visited San Francisco. I noticed more and more how all these guys who were wearing these tight bootie shorts were walking around holding hands with, of course, another guy wearing tight bootie shorts. My friends joked around that if I wanted to be walking around holding a guy’s hand that I should be lining up at American Eagle or The Gap or wherever these shorts are being sold. I laughed and brushed it off but it got my neurons all thinking and my eye-brow slightly raised. What if they were right? Did I need those tight shorts to get a man?

I was wearing shorts but not the tight, can-barely-breath, showing ball camel-tow as my friend clearly pointed out. If I was wearing those shorts, I would have a man muffin top and that is clearly not the way to get a man. But as I looked more and more, I kept noticing, yes, the tight buns these guys had, but also the more paired up they were. All these guys holding hands wearing tight bootie shorts, and there I was wearing my slightly loose shorts and walking around with my hands in my pocket. I joked that I needed to go buy me a pair to be like those guys, not so much so I could look incredibly hot and disgustingly uncomfortable but so that I could be walking around holding hands with someone.

I also noticed other guys not wearing the bootie short, however, and more to my point, they were not walking around holding hands. These guys were attractive, like me, wearing normal clothing, jeans, shorts or some not wearing anything at all. It was San Francisco on a sunny day, just a reminder, but my compadres here were all walking around probably noticing all these guys with tight bootie shorts happily partnered up! I have to admit, that I got a little sad and jealous for two particular reasons: one, because I couldn’t fit into those damn shorts but more importantly, it made me miss the idea of being able to hold someone’s hand. A very simple yet intimate display of affection. I wanted to be walking around holding hands, not so much to parade that I had a lover, but to feel someone’s hand and be able to squeeze it a little to let him know that I cared and hopefully get that same squeeze back. So in my very diluted mind, I equated that for me to get a guy told hold my hand that I needed to squeeze into those bootie shorts. My reasoning is far more advanced than any other human being out there. Has anyone else noticed this trend? Am I the only one?

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2 responses to “The man bootie shorts equates getting a man?

  1. Yeah, I think you need to expand your sample size. San Fran is probably not the best survey area. I mean, it’s like checking LA to see what a “normal” persona looks like; you’re gonna get a very skewed reading.

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