OITNB: Little Mustachioed Shit

Piper and Alex on “Little Mustachioed Shit” in OITNB

Karma is a bitch and it usually comes back to bite you in the ass just as hard or even harder than expected. In “Little Mustachioed Shit,” Piper (Taylor Schilling) discovered out the hard way what it feels like to be betrayed by someone she considered her best friend.

In the flashbacks, Piper was the other women and last season, Piper cheated on Larry with Alex. This time around Piper’s best friend, Polly (Maria Dizzia) slept with Larry. Larry told Piper he had slept with someone Piper knew. Polly went to visit Piper in prison and through an awkward conversation, where the truth wasn’t actually revealed, Polly’s behavior said more than was necessary for Piper to figure out who the other woman was.

“Mustachioed” focused on Piper and Alex’s beginning romance. After sleeping with Alex, Piper learned she had a girlfriend when she was punched in the face while Alex’s bed. Alex told her it was ‘complicated” as if it was a Facebook status. Of course Piper wasn’t finished and one night  followed Alex to the women’s bathroom at the bar.

A younger Piper was telling her best friend, Polly,  of her new lesbian experience when someone left a bag of shit on fire in front of their house by Alex’s former girlfriend.  In present time, Piper had her new sister-in-law do the same to Polly. Also in present time, Piper returned to prison after her furlough. She lied to Red about Red’s business which had closed down. She also received another letter from Alex but refused to open until she found out that Polly had slept with Larry.

Vee on OITNB

In other prison news, Vee and her gang have made a name for themselves as the rest of the prison knows about their business gainig the respect of the other fellow inmates. Vee has also made Crazy Eyes the sidekick and also the girl who does the dirty work. Vee is the queen of the lioness pride and is taking full advantage of it. Although Poussey is not falling in line, Vee wants the library as a place to hide her product. Poussey gets drunk off her own concoction she brewed up and drunkenly attacks Vee in the bathroom where Crazy Eyes quickly takes Vee’s orders and beats a drunken Poussey.

Nicky is tempted by the heroin that was given her but Gina followed her around to make sure she didn’t use. In the end, Nicky gave Red the heroin and tells her that Vee is smuggling in drugs. Vee also pays a visit to Red’s greenhouse who wants to use the greenhouse as a means of transporting drugs in. Red isn’t having none of it and tells her to find another way.

Lorna gets a surprised visit from Christopher.  But it isn’t a happy one she was hoping for. Christopher isn’t thrilled to see her and accuses her of breaking into his house. As Nicky watches, he tells her that she’s  psycho and will kill her if she comes near his family.  Lorna runs out of the room and confesses to Nicky that she might be a little crazy for which Nicky replies that she still loves her anyway.

Pornstache on OITNB

The other big news is Pornstache’s love for Dayanara. Pablo Schreiber as Mendez steals the show in his shorts scenes. He’s an asshole you feel sorry for because he has no clue he’s being played by Dayanara. In his twisted mind, he loves her and when he’s told Dayanara is pregnant, he doesn’t care he’s going to prison since sex with a female inmate is considered rape. “Mustachioed” ends with Pornstache arrested for his sexual crime and telling Dayanara to wait for him.

Here are some memorable lines from the episode:

“They’re from Marshal’s. Fuck you!” Piper about her shoes.

“That poor girl is carrying around a sadistic little mustachioed shit inside her,” Caputo to Pornstache.

“Hey girl, sorry I fucked you over in Chicago. It was for your own good. Let me lick your pussy,” Nicky about Alex’s letter.

“I’ve never been punched before. It was probably a good life experience,” Piper.

“Did you cry it out the other night, after your little lady meltdown,” Pornstach.

“In case you ain’t notice, this place is full of criminals and we’re 2 of them. Three if you include coo-coo over here,” Taystee to Poussey.

“You know what that means? It’s all coming through the rectal pipeland. You know what that means? Someone has been slacking with the cough and squat,” Correctional officer Bell.

“Why don’t you get me an Iphone so I can take photos and play CandyCrush?” Piper to reporter.

“Stop hitting walls. And plot your revenge,” Red to Piper.

“I’d like to join your little garden club” Vee. “We’re not accepting new members,” Red.

“Your ass haunts me,” Caputo. “Sorry to hear that sir,” Pornstache.

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