Mean Gay withdrawls

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Mean Gays make you cry

So you’ve ignored our warnings of dating a Mean Gays, being in the same vicinity as them, or befriending them, and now you have Mean Gay withdrawals. You are now traumatized and wander the streets of Sacramento sobbing uncontrollably, eating donuts; you can’t show your face in the gayborhood anymore where the Mean Gays routinely gather. Unfortunately there are no pills to help you get over this. Besides drinking alcohol, you just have to deal with it.

It’s kind of like having a really bad hangover: you’re not exactly sure what happened in those 6 hours prior when you dated or talked to a Mean Gay and it leaves you with this horrible headache and spend most of the day vomiting in the bathroom. Okay, so I am exaggerating a little here, but you get the point. Here are four likely symptoms you will go through:

Decreased confidence – You were influenced by THEM for a second so you bought yourself the booty shorts and tank-top to go along with the shorts. You even looked good in them, but now sad and depressed, you only wear sweats and shirts that are one size too large. You don’t even comb your Macklemore hairdo anymore, let alone take a shower.

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THEY also gut your soul

Isolation – THEY made you hate the world or scared of it, but either way you don’t want to leave your house. You don’t hang out with friends because most likely they are Mean Gays themselves, and your co-workers keep asking you if you are okay – why the cheery gay guy at work is now the Debbie-downer.

Binge on RuPaul’s Dragrace – Separating from the Mean Gay pack leaves you wanting more, like crack or chocolate, so you binge on the bitchy queens of RuPaul’s Dragrace to give you the T. Their cattiness fills the void by your recent departure from THEM.

Madonna/Whore complex – This last one is a little tricky. Because THEY are mean, you develop the Madonna/Whore complex. You either become celibate to avoid sleeping with THEM or you begin to sleep around with anyone, even girls, to get THEIR taste out of your mouth.

So dear five readers who stuck around for ALL four posts (because, as you know, Mean Gays don’t read), if we saved at least one of you from enduring Mean Gays, our work here is complete. We hope it was as fun for you to read as it was for us to write. In all seriousness, we support and love all gays, nice or mean or the bi’s (the ones who don’t know whether to be mean or nice. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there at one point).

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Habitually Mean

The third post of our four part series of the Mean Gay dives into the habits of the Mean Gay. Here Scott & Words describes the habitual inclining’s of the mean ones. Check it out!

Scott & Words

The Mean Gay has that certain look. They have a particular way of communicating, but there’s more you need to know about the Mean Gay that might have escaped your attention. We’re talking about patterns of behavior that may help you spot this breed of gay…


The Plasitcs
They’re mean, yes, but they are still social creatures. The Mean Gay is going to be found in a clique with others like him. If you spot a cluster of Twinks or a congregation of jocks approach carefully; you never know if you will be met with a storm of mean.

The Spot
Not the g-spot, but the spot where the Mean Gays like to spend their free time. There are a few key locations where you are likely to encounter these cliques. When you frequent the gym your chances of running into them have just risen exponentially. This is…

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Call of the Mean Gay

Here’s the second blog post on the 4 part series of the Mean Gay saga. This post was written by my friend Scott and Words. He shows you how the Mean Gays communicate or lack thereof. Have a read and some laughs.

Scott & Words

Don't laugh. This was being serious. Don’t laugh. This is real life.

Oh, the Mean Gays. You know, the guys that appear perfectly pretty but when they open their mouths and all this ugly comes spewing out. Even as you read this, you’re probably thinking of a few guys you’ve met from Grindr or Scruff, and even a few fellas you’ve encountered at the clubs/bars. So if our previous post didn’t help you identify the Mean Gay with a simple glance, then a few key phrases will help you notice that you’re talking to one. This particular segment of gays have their own communication style.

It’s Hot. It’s Cold.
The Mean Gays aren’t bitchy right off the bat. Some of these pretty boys are friendly in their first message or two. They may thank you for the woof. They may even drop a picture on you. Beware of the switch-aroo though. That friendly facade will melt…

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If looks could kill, Mean Gays come pretty close

 

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Sometimes, Mean Gays look good

Have you ever looked at a guy and you knew he was perfect? He had a perfect smile, beautiful eyes, and perfectly cut hair? Then when you try to talk to him on Grindr or in person, he completely ignores you and your polite attempt at a conversation. How could that perfect guy who, in your head, was incredibly sweet and possibly the man of your dreams, be a Mean Gay?!

Lucky for you, we’re here to help you identify the Mean Gays in real life and in online applications. After careful research in a controlled environment (Sacramento’s 5 local bars/clubs plus Grindr, Scruff, Jacked, Growler etc., etc ), we’ve narrowed it down to some basics. First we will discuss how to ID a Mean Gay by their looks. If you are still having trouble ID’ing him, we will show you how they communicate or lack thereof. And if you still can’t identify a Mean Gay then, we will tell you about the habits: where they cohabitate and gather to be mean. And since more than likely you ran into a Mean Gay, could be friends with a mean gay, dated a mean gay or—horrors of horrors, you could be a Mean Gay yourself and don’t know it, then you have been more than likely traumatized and have symptoms which we will help you identify.

First in our four part series, we will help you identify a Mean Gay by their looks. Tricky it can be, however, don’t be fooled by good looks and a perfectly coiffed haircut. Be wary as they will unleash their mean streak if you approach! Here are some clues to the mean look:

Man Bootie Short….yes they can look this good

Man Booty Shorts (better known as the tight Slim-Fit Shorts): Yes they might look good, but the cutting-oxygen-to-the-balls shorts are a clear sign of the Mean Gays. With no oxygen running to the balls, they focus their energy on anger and unleash their furry on innocent men. If you decide to approach, approach with caution. If clothes were weapons, these shorts would be flame throwers.

The Stripped Tank-top: These are usually worn with a colorful booty short during the summer. I would encourage you to stay at a minimum of 10 feet away when these 2 items are combined.

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Macklemore due made famous years earlier by the cartoon character Roger Klotz in “Doug”

The Macklemore Coiffed Haircut: Yes it looks good. Yes it looks sexy.  Yes I have tried styling my hair like it but didn’t stay perfectly to the side; however, this hair style is worn by the flock of Mean Gays. You will find them in the bathroom in groups of three staring at the mirror to make sure the front wave is in place if not watch out for their wrath! Also, be wary of the different variations of this hair cut as some can be longer or shorter but the meanness remains in the do.

No Body Hair: Although they like to have a lot of hair on their head and sometimes even on the face, the rest of the body is hair-free. Why this contradiction is still a mystery. You can usually tell they have no body hair when they wear the tank-tops. It’s a clear giveaway. The perfection not only goes into what they wear but also to have a clean figure underneath.

If you see a guy with these four characteristics, run away immediately. If not their Medusa-like stare will turn you into stone! You have been warned on how to ID a Mean Gay so when in a radius of one, pretend to ignore them as they do to you. Also, look for big accessories, skinny jean and big scarfs (worn during the summer). Wait for our second of four parts next Sunday!