Have you ever looked at a guy and you knew he was perfect? He had a perfect smile, beautiful eyes, and perfectly cut hair? Then when you try to talk to him on Grindr or in person, he completely ignores you and your polite attempt at a conversation. How could that perfect guy who, in your head, was incredibly sweet and possibly the man of your dreams, be a Mean Gay?!
Lucky for you, we’re here to help you identify the Mean Gays in real life and in online applications. After careful research in a controlled environment (Sacramento’s 5 local bars/clubs plus Grindr, Scruff, Jacked, Growler etc., etc ), we’ve narrowed it down to some basics. First we will discuss how to ID a Mean Gay by their looks. If you are still having trouble ID’ing him, we will show you how they communicate or lack thereof. And if you still can’t identify a Mean Gay then, we will tell you about the habits: where they cohabitate and gather to be mean. And since more than likely you ran into a Mean Gay, could be friends with a mean gay, dated a mean gay or—horrors of horrors, you could be a Mean Gay yourself and don’t know it, then you have been more than likely traumatized and have symptoms which we will help you identify.
First in our four part series, we will help you identify a Mean Gay by their looks. Tricky it can be, however, don’t be fooled by good looks and a perfectly coiffed haircut. Be wary as they will unleash their mean streak if you approach! Here are some clues to the mean look:
Man Booty Shorts (better known as the tight Slim-Fit Shorts): Yes they might look good, but the cutting-oxygen-to-the-balls shorts are a clear sign of the Mean Gays. With no oxygen running to the balls, they focus their energy on anger and unleash their furry on innocent men. If you decide to approach, approach with caution. If clothes were weapons, these shorts would be flame throwers.
The Stripped Tank-top: These are usually worn with a colorful booty short during the summer. I would encourage you to stay at a minimum of 10 feet away when these 2 items are combined.
The Macklemore Coiffed Haircut: Yes it looks good. Yes it looks sexy. Yes I have tried styling my hair like it but didn’t stay perfectly to the side; however, this hair style is worn by the flock of Mean Gays. You will find them in the bathroom in groups of three staring at the mirror to make sure the front wave is in place if not watch out for their wrath! Also, be wary of the different variations of this hair cut as some can be longer or shorter but the meanness remains in the do.
No Body Hair: Although they like to have a lot of hair on their head and sometimes even on the face, the rest of the body is hair-free. Why this contradiction is still a mystery. You can usually tell they have no body hair when they wear the tank-tops. It’s a clear giveaway. The perfection not only goes into what they wear but also to have a clean figure underneath.
If you see a guy with these four characteristics, run away immediately. If not their Medusa-like stare will turn you into stone! You have been warned on how to ID a Mean Gay so when in a radius of one, pretend to ignore them as they do to you. Also, look for big accessories, skinny jean and big scarfs (worn during the summer). Wait for our second of four parts next Sunday!