He Replied All

Reply All

I think enough time has passed for me to tell this story. They say time heals all wounds and this wound of mine is slowly healing. Several months have now passed since this unspeakable incident happened at work. I…Replied All…Yes, I replied all in an email that turned heads for all the wrong reasons.  Where do I start explaining myself…so what happened was…

I work in the office of communications focusing on social media for a department that deals with environmental issues. So on this particular date in late August, Kermit the Frog’s new girlfriend, Denise, was trending on Twitter. Apparently Kermit and Miss Piggy had broken up and Denise was the hot trend. At the same time, our president was in Alaska speaking about climate change. A particular topic that is far more poignant than say Kermit’s new girlfriend, Denise. However, the president speaking on climate change was of no interest to the Twitter world. I was annoyed that people cared more about Denise than say our planet. So I commented to a coworker (who also works in social media) about Denise and how our planet was doomed.

Later that day, my co-worker, who we’ll call PC, sent me an email on my work email account with a link to an article introducing the world to Denise. Of course, I opened and read it. I’m not gonna lie, I was curious about Denise, although I am #TeamMissPiggy all the way. At the same time, my agency was dealing with a crisis in the media.

To give some background on this, an activist was speaking with the media about a particular site, which my agency was responsible for cleaning. The activist was not happy at all with the work the agency was doing. To give more context to my story, the agency recently had employees who sent  emails with inappropriate comments about this particular activist. Let’s say they didn’t say nice things about the activist.

Back to my story: my supervisor emailed a link to an article that quoted this particular activist to his boss and a few others and cc’d me. I had both emails open. PC and I constantly joke around and email each other back and forth work related material as well as non-work related material such as the Denise article. So thinking, I would be witty, I replied back saying “I don’t like her, she looks like a bish…”

140407_041

She’s such a bish!!!

I eagerly waited for PC’s response, even giggled a little thinking about what PC would say but nothing came. PC usually responds quickly…I kept waiting. It seemed like the longest minute ever! Two minutes passed and nothing. I took a look at the emails and I immediately froze as I saw that little arrow pointing back on my supervisor’s email and not PC’s. All the color in my body flushed away and even felt weak as if something had sucked out all the blood in my body.

Even as I write this, just thinking about it, I want to crawl into a hole. After realizing what I had just done, I panicked and frantically tried to retract the email before anyone would open it. But that shit doesn’t work!!! I sent the retract request but nothing happened. Sweat began to percolate on my forehead. I didn’t know what to do. What the hell was I going to tell my supervisor and then his supervisor and everyone else cc’d?! Yeah, that hole was starting to look pretty good and so was the window of 22nd floor.

I tried looking for my supervisor to explain the email but he was in a meeting with his supervisor and a few other people who also happened to receive the email. So I sat at my desk, pale looking and thinking I had to pack my few office belongings because this was for sure my last day at the office.

Finally, my supervisor came to my cubicle and called me into his office. He explained he had seen the email as well as everyone else cc’d. My supervisor was not amused by my email. He didn’t think Denise was a bish at all! And he was not the only person who stopped by; a different supervisor cc’d in the email decided to come and shake her head at me (Side note: Now she was a bish!).

I was pretty much speechless. With my tail in between my legs, I immediately explained myself and asked for forgiveness. I told him the email was not about the activist or any living, breathing person but about the muppet, Denise. I told him that this was not an appropriate use of my work email. I apologized profusely. Not only did I apologize to him but also to everyone else cc’d.

I was in the “doghouse” for several months. My supervisor took me off some of my high profile projects. I had to walk around with a scarlet RA on my chest. Not only was I ashamed of my stupidity, but I was so scared, and still am, to reply to any emails. Every time I send a work email or any email for that matter, I take about five minutes to inspect it! I get nervous and sweaty. I hesitate to hit send. This incident was traumatizing!

Moral of this story is: Denise is a fucking bitch! #TeamMissPiggy. Also, don’t reply all. Just saying…

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Just say something Tinder soulmate!

Tinder Meme 2

#StoryOfMyLife

I hate admitting that I, on occasions, several times throughout the day, will log on to tinder and swipe. Yes, I have a serious problem. It’s called being single and bored and living in Sacramento.  I don’t like using Tinder and if there was some sort of weekly support group meeting, I would probably attend…and turn on Tinder to swipe (side note: wouldn’t it be cool if you could actually swipe dudes left or right in real life? Like, you’re just walking down the street and you emphatically swipe right on anyone you find attractive…end of side note)

But what I hate admitting even more is that when I occasionally match with someone, which is really rare since there’s basicalliieee only 10 gay guys in Sacramento using Tinder, I won’t say anything…and they won’t say anything. It’s a whole lot of not saying anything. I look at their pictures and wonder if my potential soulmate will say something charming first like “What are you looking for?” or “How is such a cute guy like yourself single?” Okay, so the latter is only to boost my ego, but most of the time it’s just chirps. It’s like if crickets are running Tinder. And when I occasionally read profiles (because as you know, Tinder isn’t about reading), there are those who complain how no one says anything even with Tinder’s encouraging messages to start a conversation such as “Don’t leave it blank” or “Well you’ve come this far, might as well say something” and my favorite: “It started on Tinder”… I am a repeat offender of the silence, however, if someone does message me, I will respond.

Tinder Meme

Only if you say something!

However, what is bothersome is the silence by both. No one is willing to just say a simple “Hello” or “Cute smile”. You know, conversations starters…I mean, you matched with your potential soulmate or two-week lover why not say something! If you are using Tinder or any other application out there with the same functionalities, why not use it for what it was intended for (meaningless hookups until you meet the love of your life when you both get stood up by your Tinder dates). Is there a reason why we stay silent? By making the first move, does it make us desperate or even less appealing? Is playing the waiting game what we’re supposed to do so we don’t scare away our potential mate? Or have we become so jaded by the lack of response when we do say something???

Whatever the reasons might be, it seems counterproductive. We are, hopefully, mature adults who are able to hold conversations and if you matched, just maybe, maybe you will find a connection by saying a simple “hello.” If you like the guy, just say something! What do we have to lose?

 

 

Online v. Traditional Dating

Scott and me

Left to right: ME, MO. They look so innocent.

From the minds that brought you “Mean Gays”…a new series that dives into the real “important” stuff gay men tend to focus on. See, Jorge is one of those hip, liberal (mostly) gays…and Mexican (So we call him ME). Scott is a bit conservative (but not always), and jovial…and he grew up a Mormon (So we is called MO). With such opposing perspectives, how do ME and MO agree? They don’t. Not usually…rarely actually. It makes for some interesting conversations though.With that short intro in mind join ME (the one who is always right!) and MO for a few conversations on some randomly drafted topics, based on their dealings with the gay community in Sacramento, CA. Because the gay community in Seattle or Phoenix could be completely different…who knows?

Online Dating v. Traditional

Damn dating apps are everywhere. You use them. We use them. Everyone probably uses them and that is what we are debating today. Are they being used too much and has that ruined how people meet and date?

ME: The problem with gay dating is it’s not like you can just go to church or somewhere and meet guys.

MO: There are some churches that are gay friendly where you could possible meet people. Plus, you can find the local spots where gays tend to congregate, outside of bars, like: Ikea, Whole Foods, the gym even, or sushi.

ME: Name one time you met a guy that wasn’t online?

Scott kissingMO: Kyle wasn’t online.

ME: But you met at a gay bar.

MO: So, it was still in real life. Dave. Robert. And there was Jeff…

ME: You’re a whore. Getting to my point, online dating is killing the romance of meeting someone in a gay bar….or any where else for that matter.

MO: I don’t think I would call gay bars romantic.

ME: That isn’t the point. Even if you are just at a coffee shop or a grocery store, the first thing gay men do now is go on Grindr or Scruff to see if the guy they just saw walking down the vegetable aisle is gay instead of just introducing themselves.

MO: You can’t blame them though. The apps have helped gay men avoid the awkwardness and potential danger of hitting on a homophobic straight guy without knowing it.

ME: Well, if the guy gets offended then he is clearly not cool . The homophobic straight should be flattered. I agree they have helped in a way. However, too many times gay men just use the application to hide behind and look without engaging.

MO: I don’t think guys really hide behind it. I mean, it doesn’t make the process more efficient. You don’t have to go through the often disgusting process of avoiding creepers, you know, those guys at the bar that make you shudder at their very touch? With the apps, you are actually more in control of the process of finding a guy.

ME: But when you are using an application, you are picking and choosing based on a few pictures. The majority of the population still meet through friends and at social functions and it seems like gays are just relying on apps nowadays to find a date. And it’s ruining society! (Laughs)

Grindr

Technology run amok!!

MO: How is it ruining it society.

ME: It is…everyone turns into a whore.

MO: Whorish behavior aside, apps actually provide a great way to meet guys that you would have never met before. Especially if you are bound by routine and only go to a few places, or you are very shy. I see guys that I would never run into and I even have “Pen Pals” across the state and country because of these wonderful apps.

ME: Uh, pen pal isn’t dating. If you wanted a pen pal send a freaking guy in prison a letter. We are discussing DATING!

MO: Yeah, but you never know. A pen pal can become something more. Plus, the more guys you know, the bigger your pool of potential mates!

ME: Because you’re a whore. You just want more guys on your “list.”

MO: Always the same argument with you.

ME: All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t rely on your phones to have romance. You should actually break your routine and try to meet guys out in the real world.

MO: And I’m just saying that the romance can be found after you meet a guy digitally. Meeting a guy is only just a part of the journey. There will be plenty of times to be “in the real world” having romantic moments. Apps haven’t killed romance. They just made the process more efficient.

gay dating app

Gay dating be like…

ME: But we already rely our phones to get to know people: email, text, Facebook…all these digital outlets. Maybe we should leave romance out of the digital world.

MO: Well, that’s what you think.

ME: Yeah, because I’m right!

MO: *rolls eyes*

What do you think? Join the debate and leave a comment about your view of online versus traditional dating!

OITNB: It Was The Change

Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) with her young lover RJ.

The penultimate episode of Orange Is The New Black finally gave us Vee’s (Lorraine Toussaint) flashback.  She has been the storm brewing slowly this whole season. We got tidbits about Vee’s life prior to being in prison in Taystee’s episodes.

In “It Was the Change,” the flashbacks take us to Vee dealing with menopause and sleeping with her protégé who could easily be her grandson. However, Vee takes advantage of young kids and uses them to do her dirty drug business. She is the patriarch, the lioness.

She learns from a dirty cop that her young lover, RJ, is dealing on the side in a different part of town. Like a lioness who is going to lose her spot at the top, she has RJ killed. Vee isn’t one to be messed with and Taystee learns it the hard way. Back in prison, Poussey is drunk and decides to piss off Vee by destroying her drug supply. Because Taystee couldn’t control Poussey, Vee kicks her out of the gang.

In other Litchfield news, there is a storm approaching the prison and emotions are brewing up all over the place.  Piper (Taylor Schilling) tells Morello that she was the first person to be nice to her when Piper arrived. She also confides in her that her family seems relieved she is being transferred father away since they won’t have to visit her on the weekends.

Red (Kate Mulgrew) sends Vee a strong message after the mishap from the previous week. With the women having to spend the night in the cafeteria because the prison has flooded, Red fears not only for her life but also for her AARP gang. Red tries to choke Vee with plastic wrap but fails and makes a truce. Vee, however, does a much better job of taking down Red again knocking her out with a sock full of rocks in Red’s greenhouse.

The prison’s accountant begins to question Figueroa (Alysia Reiner), the warden, about where some of the prison funds are going and she invites him to her husband’s fundraiser. She discovers that her husband has his own secrets when she sees him secretly kissing the campaign assistant guy.

Dayanara tells Bennett he either comes clean about her pregnancy or walk away.  One highlight of this episode was watching Poussey and Taystee reunite their friendship after Vee had separated them.

Highlights and quotes from “Change”:

“It’s like step one, pick a person to kill. Step two, kill that person,” Red.

“Frank? Like a hotdog?” Dayanara to Bennett about their baby’s name.

“Oh man, we have a serious problem in terms of weight, class. You know what I’m saying,” Morello to Red about Vee’s gangs.

“Great, we’ll challenge them to a Sudoku contest,” Gina.

“We’re supposed to be fighting them? ‘Cause that’s the lollipop guild over there,” Hayes about Red’s gang.

“That’s how they get you. Being cool,” Healey about lesbians.

“How does the agenda work? They gay agenda … to take over the world.” Pennsatucky to Big Boo.

“It’s mostly farts,” Aleida to Dayanara about the lack of fresh air.

“You used to be something. You know that Red. You lost your damn mind. And you’re sad. She don’t need to fight you, she already won,” Gloria to Red.

“I feel trapped inside my face,” Angie after eating nutmeg.

“You just tried to strangle me with plastic wrap to sell mascara in jail,” Vee to Red.

Soso has the girls singing Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” as they wait out the storm.

OITNB: Take Away From Your Values

The last time I wrote about Orange Is The New Black was this past summer. Life and winter came around and it took my time away from writing the last three summaries of OITNB. I didn’t want to leave these last 3 episodes undone so I’ll give a very brief summary.

“Take Away from Your Values” was about the mysterious Sister Jane (Beth Fowler). She was God’s servant, a fighter, a rebel, and a narcissist. In the end, it was her selfish behavior which got her booted from the church and into prison. Without the church backing her up, she was not legally supported for all the protesting she was doing.

In “Values,” she also tried to help Soso but lands herself in the hospital after she becomes weak from joining Soso’s hunger strike to improve the overall quality of life in prison. All it got Sister Jane was a trip to the infirmary.

In Piper and Alex news, Piper calls Alex and asks her why Alex screwed her over. Alex tells Piper that Cooper (Alex’s old drug lord boss) walked from the trail because of a mistrial and now he’s after her. Piper learns that she is being transferred to Virginia with a few other inmates.

Larry and Polly, the oddest couple from this season, must also come clean to Polly’s husband, Pete, of their recent love connection. It doesn’t bode well with Pete as he punches Larry in the face.

After Red finds out that Big Boo betrayed her to Vee, Red confronts her with the rest of the AARP gang and expels her from her gang. It wasn’t a good episode for Big Boo. Not only did Red kick her out of her gang but Vee tells Big Boo she doesn’t like snitches.

Here are some of the better lines from “Values”:
“Did you come back to prison on accident or because outside you’re too weak for anybody to take seriously,” Poussey to Vee.
“I give you Bengay and this is how you repay me?!” Red
“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m Australian” Pete.
“You’re like a pedophile without the sex,” Poussey to Vee.
“I remember the Alamo too, but that don’t keep me from eating Mexican food,” Hayes.
“We would like more musical guests, like Johnny Cash” Angie. “Johnny Cash is dead” Yoga
“Look, I’m Edward Pizzahand,” Angie.
“Don’t talk to me about spirit. Without me, you’re just a couple of hippies on welfare,” Sister Jane.
“You come back here with your scarecrow gang, trying to act all gangster. You try to buy my loyalty with candy and skincare products,” Big Boo.

OITNB: Little Mustachioed Shit

Piper and Alex on “Little Mustachioed Shit” in OITNB

Karma is a bitch and it usually comes back to bite you in the ass just as hard or even harder than expected. In “Little Mustachioed Shit,” Piper (Taylor Schilling) discovered out the hard way what it feels like to be betrayed by someone she considered her best friend.

In the flashbacks, Piper was the other women and last season, Piper cheated on Larry with Alex. This time around Piper’s best friend, Polly (Maria Dizzia) slept with Larry. Larry told Piper he had slept with someone Piper knew. Polly went to visit Piper in prison and through an awkward conversation, where the truth wasn’t actually revealed, Polly’s behavior said more than was necessary for Piper to figure out who the other woman was.

“Mustachioed” focused on Piper and Alex’s beginning romance. After sleeping with Alex, Piper learned she had a girlfriend when she was punched in the face while Alex’s bed. Alex told her it was ‘complicated” as if it was a Facebook status. Of course Piper wasn’t finished and one night  followed Alex to the women’s bathroom at the bar.

A younger Piper was telling her best friend, Polly,  of her new lesbian experience when someone left a bag of shit on fire in front of their house by Alex’s former girlfriend.  In present time, Piper had her new sister-in-law do the same to Polly. Also in present time, Piper returned to prison after her furlough. She lied to Red about Red’s business which had closed down. She also received another letter from Alex but refused to open until she found out that Polly had slept with Larry.

Vee on OITNB

In other prison news, Vee and her gang have made a name for themselves as the rest of the prison knows about their business gainig the respect of the other fellow inmates. Vee has also made Crazy Eyes the sidekick and also the girl who does the dirty work. Vee is the queen of the lioness pride and is taking full advantage of it. Although Poussey is not falling in line, Vee wants the library as a place to hide her product. Poussey gets drunk off her own concoction she brewed up and drunkenly attacks Vee in the bathroom where Crazy Eyes quickly takes Vee’s orders and beats a drunken Poussey.

Nicky is tempted by the heroin that was given her but Gina followed her around to make sure she didn’t use. In the end, Nicky gave Red the heroin and tells her that Vee is smuggling in drugs. Vee also pays a visit to Red’s greenhouse who wants to use the greenhouse as a means of transporting drugs in. Red isn’t having none of it and tells her to find another way.

Lorna gets a surprised visit from Christopher.  But it isn’t a happy one she was hoping for. Christopher isn’t thrilled to see her and accuses her of breaking into his house. As Nicky watches, he tells her that she’s  psycho and will kill her if she comes near his family.  Lorna runs out of the room and confesses to Nicky that she might be a little crazy for which Nicky replies that she still loves her anyway.

Pornstache on OITNB

The other big news is Pornstache’s love for Dayanara. Pablo Schreiber as Mendez steals the show in his shorts scenes. He’s an asshole you feel sorry for because he has no clue he’s being played by Dayanara. In his twisted mind, he loves her and when he’s told Dayanara is pregnant, he doesn’t care he’s going to prison since sex with a female inmate is considered rape. “Mustachioed” ends with Pornstache arrested for his sexual crime and telling Dayanara to wait for him.

Here are some memorable lines from the episode:

“They’re from Marshal’s. Fuck you!” Piper about her shoes.

“That poor girl is carrying around a sadistic little mustachioed shit inside her,” Caputo to Pornstache.

“Hey girl, sorry I fucked you over in Chicago. It was for your own good. Let me lick your pussy,” Nicky about Alex’s letter.

“I’ve never been punched before. It was probably a good life experience,” Piper.

“Did you cry it out the other night, after your little lady meltdown,” Pornstach.

“In case you ain’t notice, this place is full of criminals and we’re 2 of them. Three if you include coo-coo over here,” Taystee to Poussey.

“You know what that means? It’s all coming through the rectal pipeland. You know what that means? Someone has been slacking with the cough and squat,” Correctional officer Bell.

“Why don’t you get me an Iphone so I can take photos and play CandyCrush?” Piper to reporter.

“Stop hitting walls. And plot your revenge,” Red to Piper.

“I’d like to join your little garden club” Vee. “We’re not accepting new members,” Red.

“Your ass haunts me,” Caputo. “Sorry to hear that sir,” Pornstache.

OITNB: Prison family is key for survival

Red and Vee in a prison flashback

Finally Orange Is The New Black gave me the episode I had been waiting for since they introduced Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) this season in “40 oz of Furlough” by flashing backing back to Red (Kate Mulgrew) and Vee’s prison past. It revealed when these two different but strong women met each other at the Litchfield Penitentiary.

Both Red and Vee arrived to the prison around the same time and as soon as Vee came in, the black girl gang brought her some prison essentials as an offering to be part of their gang. Vee told them she didn’t want it and offered some to a fragile Red who has been recruited to kitchen duties. Red quickly takes advantage of the kitchen, beginning to sneak in goods and shows Vee her secret.

One day a black girl comes back and tells Red she wants to buy the kitchen smuggling business. The Russian redhead laughs it off and tells her to bring in her boss. Vee later shows up in Red’s kitchen and asks Red who she though ordered the girl to buy it. Red is confused and considers Vee a friend but Vee tells her they never made a friendship bracelet. Vee demands her to continue taking in orders but that her girls will distribute the product. Red tells her she will tell Healy but Vee tells her that Red’s first mistake was not having any backup and slaps her across the face and orders her girls to beat up Red.

In prison you need family to survive and if you got one the better off you are and Red has been on the outs with her friends since she lost her kitchen and has been desperately trying to get them back since Vee arrived. She’s made new friends with the AARP club (old ladies) but since she’s had her “greenhouse” business going with no backup, she has been trying to get her old friends back.

She asks Nicky to get the girls at the greenhouse for dinner. The gang (Nicky, Lorna, Big Boo, Gina, Yoga Jones, Sister Jane, Norma and the AARP gang) meet for dinner and Red tells them they are her family and she is sorry for hurting them in the end. Norma, the quiet one, accepts the apology and the rest follow. The dinner reminded me of the last supper with Red, playing Christ, and her posse of apostles and a trader among them.

Red and her AARP gang.

These flashbacks are what the season needed to tie Red and Vee together. They were strong women before the prison and continue to be strong in the prison in knowing how to survive. Red is not making the same mistake this time around.

The other major story in “Furlough” was Piper (Taylor Schilling) getting 48 hours of freedom to attend her grandmother’s funeral. Schilling showed her comedic side again as there were plenty of jokes about Piper’s prison days and her ex’s flaccid penis. However, the jokes are quickly overshadowed by the fact that Piper wasn’t there for her grandmother’s last surviving days and her father being disappointed in her. To add to that, Piper learns that Larry slept with a close friend of hers as they tried to have sex. While in the bathroom with Larry, she realizes their relationship is over.

Piper drinking a 40 oz across NYC

While Piper had 48 hours of freedom, it seemed like she never felt more lost in her old world. Her relationship was over, her grandmother was dead, her brother was starting a new life, and her father was didn’t approve of her life. She ended up leaving the funeral/brother’s wedding reception to go check on Red’s business which was now closed. She buys a 40 oz. Colt 45 and watches New York City from Harlem, realizing that her life isn’t there anymore.

In other prison news, Poussey learns that Vee is not just smuggling in tobacco. She questions Taystee about it but Taystee tells her not to get in Vee’s way because Vee’s her family. Pornstasch enters prison and begins his reign again as the prison asshole but has competition from a jealous Bennett who makes a big reveal to Caputo.

Here are some memorable quotes from this episode:

“What could I possibly be taking out of prison?” Piper.

“It just warms my heart you’re finding your way in here, settling in with the AARP crowd,” Vee.

“Mendez is back bitches,” Pornstach.

“Just one, I learned I like to smoke after I read my sati times novelas. It feels glamorous you know. But I am not a real smoker,” Flaca.

“This sound great. I like where your head is at. It’s great to know you’re a rule breaking criminal at heart,” Cal (Piper’s brother).

“Nope see, no handcuffs,” Piper.

“I can see that with my normal people eyes. I bet those slits make it hard for you to see,” Pornstach to Soso.

“How long as it been since you came in a real life vagina and not in your hand,” Piper to Larry.

“Do not defend your boner to me right now,” Piper to Larry limp penis.

“The D list Burt Reynolds but more rapey,” Soso about pornstach.

“One of them looked like a Disney witch,” Ramos.