So you’ve ignored our warnings of dating a Mean Gays, being in the same vicinity as them, or befriending them, and now you have Mean Gay withdrawals. You are now traumatized and wander the streets of Sacramento sobbing uncontrollably, eating donuts; you can’t show your face in the gayborhood anymore where the Mean Gays routinely gather. Unfortunately there are no pills to help you get over this. Besides drinking alcohol, you just have to deal with it.
It’s kind of like having a really bad hangover: you’re not exactly sure what happened in those 6 hours prior when you dated or talked to a Mean Gay and it leaves you with this horrible headache and spend most of the day vomiting in the bathroom. Okay, so I am exaggerating a little here, but you get the point. Here are four likely symptoms you will go through:
Decreased confidence – You were influenced by THEM for a second so you bought yourself the booty shorts and tank-top to go along with the shorts. You even looked good in them, but now sad and depressed, you only wear sweats and shirts that are one size too large. You don’t even comb your Macklemore hairdo anymore, let alone take a shower.
Isolation – THEY made you hate the world or scared of it, but either way you don’t want to leave your house. You don’t hang out with friends because most likely they are Mean Gays themselves, and your co-workers keep asking you if you are okay – why the cheery gay guy at work is now the Debbie-downer.
Binge on RuPaul’s Dragrace – Separating from the Mean Gay pack leaves you wanting more, like crack or chocolate, so you binge on the bitchy queens of RuPaul’s Dragrace to give you the T. Their cattiness fills the void by your recent departure from THEM.
Madonna/Whore complex – This last one is a little tricky. Because THEY are mean, you develop the Madonna/Whore complex. You either become celibate to avoid sleeping with THEM or you begin to sleep around with anyone, even girls, to get THEIR taste out of your mouth.
So dear five readers who stuck around for ALL four posts (because, as you know, Mean Gays don’t read), if we saved at least one of you from enduring Mean Gays, our work here is complete. We hope it was as fun for you to read as it was for us to write. In all seriousness, we support and love all gays, nice or mean or the bi’s (the ones who don’t know whether to be mean or nice. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there at one point).