My Next Mistake

next mistake

I matched with this cute guy on Tinder. We’ve chatted and it went so well we exchanged digits. I haven’t met him yet, but I already know he’s my next mistake.

I can see the signs already. One, we matched on Tinder. Obviously, this is a mistake! Tinder is a pastime for single people who don’t like to read. This is the equivalent of surfing through magazines and looking at the pictures between the words. He’s probably already moved on to someone else as I write this. Look, squirrel!

Second, he seems to be attracted to me. When we exchanged pictures on our iPhones (it’s getting serious, ya’ll), he said, and I quote, “You are insanely sexy.” So basically, he’s like already in love with me or something. I mean, I know I’m fucken adorbs and shit, but he should really get to know my mind as well before he falls in love with this “absolute hunk” (Again, those are his words, not mine). This is obviously moving too fast. It’s never going to work.

Third, he has shit together. He’s educated and has a good career, which only means he’s complicated. He’s probably going to want me to know what I want out of life. Do I know where I’ll see myself in the next five years? I mean I barely know what to wear each morning, so why complicate my life with goals and ambitions?

Fourth, he’s been responding to my texts and even laughing at my lame attempts for jokes. When I asked if he was a runner he said it was his first love, and then I said, “I thought I was.” And he said, “well that’s a given.” And I was like, “you passed the second test.” And he’s all, “I’m on a roll.” Okay, so maybe not so funny but we have cute banter going on there. Cute banter is hard to find. This basically means it’s going to end soon. He’ll stop responding, and the ghosting period begins.

And finally, I kinda think he’s foxy too. I mean, he called me insanely sexy. How could I not like someone who says that?? I’ll take any compliment I can get at this age! He’s charming, sweet, and cares about saving the environment. Ugh, he cares about the environment. Why can’t he care about money like Trump? He also has a cute smile and can grow a beard. He likes the outdoors and is high energy, all these things I am attracted to. This is a set for future disappointment. We’ll meet; it will be cute and dandy, but then he’ll tell me he doesn’t believe in fighting for love.  #MyNextMistake

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Don’t Fear the F-Word

Gays

So different, yet so the same. Pic courtesy of Paul Tuller 

Get ready for a can of controversy, because we are going to step into the topic of dating “Fem” guys. We still see on profiles the desire for “masc only” or “no fems”. Just like you, we have your views on the dangers of classification and labels, and what our people are saying about it. Since these labels are not wholly vanquished from our community yet, let’s have a little discussion about them…

ME: So I have a friend who makes comments about how he can’t date “fem” guys. He argues that if he wanted to date a feminine guy, he would just date girls.

MO: Yeah that’s what they all say. I understand that you want a “man” man but if that were the case then are some lesbians you can date who are probably more masculine than your friend.

ME: A good point, but the concern here is that we are discriminating against the “fem” gays.

MO: That’s exactly what your friend is doing. Because he is automatically assuming that anyone who does not fit his definition of a “man” is not worth his attention. Instead he could be evaluating each person based on their individuality rather than preconceived notions based on mannerism because underneath all the flamboyance or “femininity” there could be someone he really clicks with.

ME: We all have a preference and we tend to categorize what we want. There are guys who like feminine guys because of the characteristics they have and then there are those guys who like the more rugged, masculine men because what masculinity represents.

Weight lifter

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MO: It’s not that I don’t agree with the idea of preferences. However, relationships aren’t built on exterior displays they live and fall by the connections of two individuals. Making decisions based on the masc/fem dichotomy is kind of being one dimensional.

I used to be like your friend. I always said I wanted to date a guy who was masculine or “straight acting”. I didn’t want to go on a date with a guy that was feminine. One day, I went out with a guy who looked masculine. We got together and he opened his mouth and that just shattered my perception of him. He’s what some would call “feminine.” He talked like a valley girl and his favorite phrase was “I am a fucken lady!” My first reaction was to run away. I let my guard down because of my physical attraction to him though. He was gorgeous!!!! Girl, he was hella PHINE! (ME rolls his eyes) This allowed me to get to know him as an individual and learn to appreciate him as a whole.

ME: Yeah, it helps when the guy is PHINE. However, sometimes people can’t get past what they initially see. Gay men tend to judge more based on what they see physically.

MO: Can’t or won’t? I won’t say that you are completely wrong about that but I had my teaching moment which showed me that it is possible to have an initial reaction, let go of it, and then dig a little deeper.

ME: Into his pants???

MO: I think the main issue is that the self-proclaimed “masc only” dude will stick to only what he likes and won’t give the “other” a chance, so he misses out on those teaching moments, even if it is just to break down assumptions or prejudices and build understanding.

Preference

Do we limit ourselves with preferences?

ME:  I don’t think its prejudice. I believe it has more to do with being physically attracted to someone. These guys could be friends but aren’t willing to date each other…

MO: We are not talking about appearance.

ME: Yeah we are because there are guys who dress more feminine. They don’t dress like “Bros”. But in the end our community needs to be more about inclusion and unity. Just stop being shady bitches. In the words of Mother RuPaul: If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an Amen?

MO: Amen.

This is one of those subjects that relates to our whole community, not just a few here and there. So we want to hear from you: Is ME’s friend being too judgmental? Let us know in the comments.

Habitually Mean

The third post of our four part series of the Mean Gay dives into the habits of the Mean Gay. Here Scott & Words describes the habitual inclining’s of the mean ones. Check it out!

Scott & Words

The Mean Gay has that certain look. They have a particular way of communicating, but there’s more you need to know about the Mean Gay that might have escaped your attention. We’re talking about patterns of behavior that may help you spot this breed of gay…


The Plasitcs
They’re mean, yes, but they are still social creatures. The Mean Gay is going to be found in a clique with others like him. If you spot a cluster of Twinks or a congregation of jocks approach carefully; you never know if you will be met with a storm of mean.

The Spot
Not the g-spot, but the spot where the Mean Gays like to spend their free time. There are a few key locations where you are likely to encounter these cliques. When you frequent the gym your chances of running into them have just risen exponentially. This is…

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OITNB: Clowning around in ‘Comic Sans’

Adrienne Moore as Cindy Hayes on OITNB

Have you ever traveled and some of your belongings from your luggage went missing? Or were felt up in appropriately by a TSA agent as you went through the security check point at the airport? Then you’ve probably ran into someone like Cindy Hayes, Orange is the New Black’s fictional character.

OITNB seventh episode “Comic Sans” focused on the comical Cindy Hayes character played hilariously by Adrienne Moore. In her flashbacks, Hayes employment prior to becoming an inmate at the New York state prison facility was working as a TSA agent, who would rather be fooling around than working. She had no work ethics – stealing laptops and snacks from airport vendors and practically molesting passengers and she tapped them down during the security check point.

As funny and likeable as her character might be, this girl is a slacker, forgetting all sense of responsibility. In her flashbacks, she visits her younger sister for her birthday and gives her the stolen IPad which still contain pictures of the previous owner. She then decides to take her for ice cream but leaves her in the car alone while she talks to her hommies.

When she comes back home late at night, Cindy’s mother chastises her for coming home late. Cindy backfires at her own mother telling her that she can do whatever she wants with her since it’s her own daughter! Yup, her younger sister is her daughter but she does not want the parental responsibilities that go attached with having a child. Instead, Cindy chose to leave her daughter to be raised by her mother.

Cindy and her younger “sister”

Cindy’s lack of responsibility is also visible at the prison. As a worker bee for Vee selling cigarettes, she starts doing what she likes and instead of collecting stamps as she’s supposed to, she has other inmates clean her bunker or bring her food in exchange for smokes. Vee, of course, is not having it and tells her if she wants to continue selling smokes, she better come up with the stamps.

Being the loud mouth that she is, Cindy tells Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) she isn’t afraid of her. But during the night, the lioness pays her a visit and calls her a loser, telling her she has never taken anything serious in her life and has given up on herself. As cruel as it may sound, Vee is right. Cindy is a loser who can’t even admit to having a daughter to a complete stranger.

In other prison news, Piper (Taylo Schilling) meets with the reporter who is trying to find out about the missing 2 million dollars from the prison fund. The reporter thinks the prison warden is either embezzling the money or is getting duped. Piper is also busy with her prison newsletter with the help of Lorna, Flaca and Dayanara – who wrote a comic sans featuring a walrus based on the counselor, Mr. Healy.

Larry (Jason Biggs) and Molly (Piper’s friend) end up having sex. This has been building up in previous episodes as they were spending time together but Molly is married and just had a child so we’ll see what this develops in the next episodes.

Red is continuing her smuggling of goods into prison and learns Vee is smuggling tobacco and knows it will end badly. The old lady with dementia, Jimmy, injures herself in fall and is released from prison but has nowhere to go and the prison isn’t willing to pay for special care. Nicky tells Poussey she should get close to Vee so that Taystee won’t pull away from her.

“I’ll just look that up in the handy inmate Internet they gave us for when we get curious about stuff,” Piper to reporter.

“Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot tall transgender women?” Sophia to Red

“Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot tall transgender women?” Sophia to Red.

“A bunch of Latinas can’t make rice and beans. What’s wrong with this picture?” Gloria.

“Ok but good porn. None of that Japanese shit. And I want a magazine with just guys in it. What?! It’s hot! And plus I don’t want to be exploiting women and shit. It sucks out all the sexy,” Flaca.

“The year book isn’t even a real class. You just take pictures and smoke weed,” Lorna.

“Trust me you do not want to short Vee. She will go wolverine on your ass,” Taystee.

 

 

 

 

Gay Dating in Sacramento: zero degrees of separation

Zero degrees of seperation

Zero degrees of seperation

A few days ago a friend of mine (we’ll call him Tom to conceal his identity) met a guy (we’ll call him Lorenzo) for their first date. They met online, both local guys from Sacramento. They met at a trendy coffee shop downtown (Starbucks) and as they sipped on their green tea infused drinks and smiled nervously at one another, their conversation dove into what a normal first date might lead into: the ex-factor. Not a big deal, right?

As they begun to discuss their dating lives and interject funny anecdotes about past loves or one-night stands, Tom’s date mentioned that his previous ex didn’t like to hold hands and had a weird last name. Tom recalled he had briefly dated (2 dates) someone with similar characteristics and asked Lorenzo to give more details about this ex. As Lorenzo trickled more details about this guy, Tom began to connect the dots. It was the same guy…Tom smiled widely with his lips twitching nervously and avoiding eye contact with Lorenzo at all cost.  Lorenzo caught on to Tom’s awkward smiling and nervous laughter.

Lorenzo asked if Tom knew who Lorenzo was referring to. Being the honest guy that Tom is, he said yes and told him they had ‘briefly’ dated. Lorenzo then asked if Tom knew him biblically, and of course, Tom knew him biblically. There was a moment of silence between them and Lorenzo finally said, “I need to move out of Sacramento because everyone has slept with everyone else or dated everyone else.”

Lorenzo words are exactly what you feel when you are gay and date in a small city such as Sacramento. The degrees of separation between someone you dated or slept with are zero to none. The gay dating scene is tough enough as it is and when a relationship ends, you want to start fresh and rid of whatever toxicity your ex might have brought you. But when you date in Sacramento or in small cities, it seems that the ex-factor will, in doubt, be right around the corner or, in this case, in the new guy you are trying to date.

There is no six degrees of separation in Sacramento’s gay dating world. You sleep with one guy and you might as well add the whole lot of gays you see every week at the same clubs in downtown. The scenery doesn’t change unless some poor soul is visiting or passing through and everyone wants to sleep with him too. I was immune to this clustered dating phenomenon in Sacramento as I was dating someone form a WHOLE different country. But after the relationship ended, and I started to date locally, I began to see that in one way or another, everyone was connected. It sort of freaked me out for many reasons: no fresh start, moving forward might be harder, seeing the ex at the club with another lover was likely to happen, rumors, and more importantly, STD’s.

This clustered dating phenomenon is not easily escapable in Sacramento. So what do you do in such circumstances? Not date at all? Date someone from a different country like I did? (Not recommend) If you really want to avoid such phenomenon, maybe try dating someone from a nearby town but you also run the risk of the same dating phenomenon such as in Sacramento. My advice is, if you really like the guy, it really won’t matter who he’s dated as long as in the end, he is faithful. And just in case you are wondering, Tom and Lorenzo are going strong and have moved on to a second date and survived that as well.

Q&A with Adore Delano from season 6 RuPaul’s Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag Race contestant Adore Delano

RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant Adore Delano

No one imagined that a drag queen who did her make up like a chola and whose catchphrase is “Party!” would make it to the end of season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race yet Adore Delano (Danny Noriega) charmed her way through the competition to make it the final three.

“It’s very surreal and liberating,” said Adore Delano. “I went into it thinking I would get half way but as the competition started to get harder, I started to push myself harder and thinking ‘you gotta fucking kick ass. This is season 6, lets fucking play.’”

Not apologetic or afraid to expressing herself, Adore’s star quality appeals to the masses. She was adored by RuPaul and the judges and was one of the funnier queens of the season. In one episode she said, “I’m from the hood. I’m from Asuza. I’ll stab a bitch.” with such seriousness you couldn’t help but laugh.

Being one of the youngest queens competing, Adore, 23, struggled throughout the season landing in the bottom and being criticized for her inexperienced looks on the runway.  But when it mattered the most, she fought to stay there.

“The harder the challenges were getting, the more I knew I was going to stay because I know myself and I know that I don’t give up at all,” said Adore, who also competed on the seventh season of American Idol. “I will not leave without a fight.”

Drag Race concludes on Monday with Bianca Del Rio and Courtney Act as the other two finalist. And Adore is content with her two competitors.

“Courtney is a brilliant person and really talented, and Bianca is a comedic genius,” she added. Although, she wished Ben Delacreme, who was eliminated in an earlier episode, would have made it to the finals. Adore added that Delacreme was one of her closest friends on the show and consistently worked hard to make it to the final three.

Below Adore discusses her soon to be released album, her chola-ness, and her plans to conquer the world.

JM: How did you come up with Adore?

Adore: Adore was my brother’s chola friend’s name, and I loved it so much and kept tagging the name on the walls around the city, and I was like I want that name. My brother was like ‘no that’s her name.’ I was like ‘I’ll fight her for it.’ [Laughs] At my first drag competition, I didn’t even have a drag name and they asked me ‘What’s your name?’ I said Adore. I really connected with it and I just love the name.

JM: How did you decide to make drag a career choice?

Adore: Well School is fucking not for me. [Laughs] I started dressing up in drag when I was 15 and competing in singing competitions. I had to stop for American Idol because my mom told me to, and then I started to perform and dressing up again in local bars around the city. I was like yeah, this is something that I’m good at, this is something that I can incorporate my music in. It’s been like I can fucking take over the world in this. Lady Gaga is a drag queen. The only difference is I have a penis and she doesn’t.

JM: You also do videos as a character named Angel Baby dressed as a chola. Is that influenced from how you grew up?

Adore: My dad is still like a cholo and my mom is like an ex-chola. My family reunions look like Mi Vida Loca. It’s hilarious. It’s definitely inspired by all my cousins and the girls I grew up with. My new single “DTF” is definitely chola-realness. I like merging different genre of people. I have the chola background in the video and I think it’s really cool. It’s almost like a pin-up vibe.

JM: Speaking of the new single, you also have a new album coming out.

Adore: My new album is called “Til Death Do Us Party,” which I co-wrote. It’s a fucking awesome album. I feel like every song should be a single for different reasons. It’s very solid. I want to be taken serious as an artist and it’s about time that a drag queen busts through the main stream circuit again. I really think I can do that. I see myself touring and winning a goddamn Grammy! [Laughs]

JM: You have fans drawing Adore on alleys in Paris and making memes out of your character. Did you ever see that coming?

Adore: No. It’s very surreal and awesome. I’m also noticing people getting tattoos of my name on them and it’s so fucking punk rock of them. I love it! Party!

JM: You did American Idol when you were younger and now Drag Race. Which show has felt more like you?

Adore: American Idol is very watered down. It’s run by Fox, by republicans. It’s very watch what you say. You can’t sing this. You can’t sing that. Don’t act too gay. Don’t come out. On Drag Race, it’s literally balls to the walls. It’s literally documenting who you are as a person.

JM: What do you think about Conchita Wurst winning the singing competition in Europevision?

Adore:I think he’s brilliant and sobering. He has a beautiful aura and amazing voice. It’s such an awesome statement that he’s making.

JM: In Latino culture, masculinity is very prominent and being gay is something that sometimes gets viewed down on. How do you view drag in your culture?

Adore: I don’t give a fuck. I came out of the closet when I was twelve years old and my mom was very accepting and I felt very blessed for that. She basically raised me to really not care and as long as my immediate family is okay with it and if someone isn’t okay with that, it is there issue. I was lucky enough to have a family that has brains and realize that I was gay when I was a kid. My brother’s basically treated me like their little sister but they really roughed me up. I was like literally in piggy-tails playing football with my brothers in family reunions. I’m kinda like the tomboy of drag.

Adore Delano

Adore Delano

JM: You even mentioned to RuPaul that you didn’t want to be seen as the chillona (crier). Will your fans get to see a Llorona (A Mexican folk legend of the weeping woman) inspired drag?

Adore: Probably not. [Laughs] My mom used to tell me that story when I was a kid and it used to scare the shit out of me.

JM: Anything you want to tell your fans?

Adore: I can’t wait to marry America in “Til Death Do Us Party!”

You can catch the season finale on Monday night at 9 p.m. on LogoTV and see if Adore Delano wins the $100,000 prize and the crown.

Q&A with Ben Delacreme from RuPaul’s Drag Race

Ben Delacreme drag star from RuPaul’s Drag Race

Her name is synonymous to the best of the crop, the crème de la crème and so far Ben Delacreme is one of the top contestants to beat on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” season 6, and she’ll make her first appearance in Sacramento this Saturday at Badlands.

Her unique style is a throwback to the 1950’s pinup girl and her charisma and sweetness has made her one of the favorite queens this season. Delacreme, who has been performing drag for 11 years, attributes her style to burlesque and cabaret shows and old cartoon where women were idolized.

“As a kid, I was really into those older Warner Brothers cartoons where the wolf is whistling at the lady,” Delacreme said. “That kind of image of womanhood was the thing I was most excited about growing up.”

Delacreme has made a career out of this sexy bombshell image performing burlesque shows in Seattle where she lives and around the country. She is part of the “The Atomic Bombshells” burlesque troupe and a producer of the Seattle “Tuck” dance/drag event.

On Drag Race she is one queen who stays true to the style that has inspired her look for many years. So far this season, Delacreme has won two challenges and is praised by RuPaul and the rest of the judges for her dazzling style and charm. She’s also spent time at the bottom lip-singing for her life but surviving.

“I think it really shows a realistic range of what it’s like to be a performer and a human,” Delacreme said. “I work really hard; I do my darnest to put my art out there and be true to myself and also give the audience what they want and sometimes you falter and when you do, you gotta get back up and try your harder.”

But on this week’s episode she flew back up with her fly-inspired look on the runway and her personable interview with Chaz Bono and Georgia Holt (Bono’s grandmother).  Delacreme lived to see another week of Drag Race.

Below she discusses what to expect Friday, her inspiration for Delacreme and her current addiction.

Jorge Moreno: You have a unique style of drag, so what can your fans expect Saturday?

Delacreme:  Well I am a queen of many faces, so you can definitely expect comedy, something a little bit out of the regular form of what the other queens do. I’ll be performing live and possibly doing a parody I wrote myself or something a little bit more complicated but bringing you all on a comedic journey. [Laughs]

JM: Where did DelaCreme come from?

Delacreme: I grew up watching old MGM musicals who featured Ann Miller, the tap dancer, and she was one of my first female icons, and she’s always wearing those little showgirl one piece outfits. I also get a lot of drag inspiration from the burlesque and cabaret world since I was around women who were referencing that time period as well so a lot of my style is entrenched in that background.

JM: What is a moment that stands out from being on the show?

Delacreme: Well so far, since I can’t give out the rest, has been winning the Snatch Game. It was really phenomenal because I wasn’t expecting it. I was really nervous coming in to do an impersonation [She impersonated the great Maggie Smith] and of course Snatch Game this year was really hot and heavy because there were really good performances from the other queens. So that win was totally like a high for me.

ME: Which queens did you bond the most on the Drag Race?

I got a really close with Adore [Delano] and you don’t really get to see that on the show except for little moments like when I jump on her back or hold hands but she is someone I talk to pretty frequently. Also, Bianca [Del Rio] and I developed a good friendship as well.

JM: Have you felt any negativity since appearing on the show?

Delacreme: It’s been really positive and I’ve been overwhelmed by how awesome and positive the response has been. I get tons of letters and emails with people telling me how they connect to me and the character and they feel inspired. I’ve been working in this field for 11 years and getting this kind of response really makes it feel like it’s totally worth it. Like I am doing the right thing with my life

JM: You were compared by RuPaul to Michelle Vasage. Do you see the resemblance?

Delacreme: I’ve been hearing that for a couple of years now. At first I was like, no I don’t know what you’re talking about but of course now that I see us on TV I totally see it. [Laughs]

JM: How hectic has your life been since appearing on the show?

Delacreme: I had experience doing shows before but this has been insane. I’ve been going to parts of the country that I’ve never been to and the audiences are different, and you kind of have to be ready for everything. I’m also working on writing new material, and creating new shows that I’ll be collaborating with others in the future.

JM: Will these collaborations be with any of the other Drag Race contestants?

Delacreme: Well, there are some things in the works but nothing that I can really talk about yet, but I can tell people there are things coming they can look forward to.

JM: You are also part of “DeLouRue Presents,” tell me about that?

Delacreme: It’s my production company with my two best friends, Kitten la Rue and Lou Henry Hoover, who are burlesque queen and a drag king, and the three of us have been working together in different ways for the past six years. We do shows that have cabaret and burlesque, and drag, comedy and social commentary and huge dance numbers. I like to think of it as a cross between an old MGM musical, “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” and a contemporary drag show.

JM: What advice do you have for anyone in Sacramento or anywhere who wants to do drag?

Delacreme: My number one advice is, and what makes the coolest drag, is when you just listen to your own head. If people just focus on the things they love the most that’s when they will come up with the most interesting things in drag.

JM: What drag accessory can you not live without?

Delacreme: It’s hard to just pick one thing but what feels the most like Dela is having the right hair. Like she always has like a big bump in the back no matter what the hairdo is. When I get the hair pined in and I can feel it squishing behind me, then I know I am her.

JM: What’s your addiction right now?

Delacreme: Oh my god, I have a lot of addictions! [Laughs] As I travel around the country I realize that my true Seattlelite comes out because I cannot seem to get enough coffee in my body. I feel like the coffee everywhere else is half the strength like the coffee in Seattle. Caffeine is my drug of choice.

You can catch Delacreme on Monday’s on Logo TV at 9 p.m.  She also has her own products and you can learn more here. Admissions into Badlands for the show starts at 8 p.m., and you can purchase tickets for a meet-and-greet here or at the door.