Have we become disposable?

camera

Are we like disposable cameras now?

Do you remember those disposal cameras that were really popular in the 90s? You used them once, they were cheap, and they did the trick. They were plastic and they were everywhere: the supermarkets, the convenience stores, the airports, basically at your disposal. Lately, I’ve been thinking, because I think a lot…sometimes too much, that in today’s gay culture we have become like disposal cameras. And here’s why…

I’ve been doing this online ‘dating’ thing for a while and seems that if I don’t give a guy what he wants, he will just move on to the next, and that’s quite alright. If he is looking for quick sex, why shouldn’t he have it? Recently, I “met” (by met, I mean we chatted online) a guy and things were great for a second. We had a connection; we had online-chemistry; we had #feels. We even exchanged numbers…but then two days later, he had ghosted me. He was ignoring my very cute attempts at continuing our conversation (or maybe they weren’t cute, I dunno).

I do know, however, that he wasn’t a ghost because he was back online “looking” a few days later. Yeah, I saw his picture with his very active green dot on his profile! Apparently, he wasn’t into an intelligent and attractive guy like me!  (or so I keep telling myself) My point is that because we have guys at our disposal, just like we have an Uber driver at 2 a.m. in the morning, we have become disposable ourselves. We send woofs, swipe right, send messages and pictures to multiple guys to see which one of them actually responds. There is no focus on just one guy. Even if it is to just hookup, shouldn’t you feel special that this cute guy is choosing you because of how big your heart is, or of whatever quality you may possess, not just because you are .3-miles away? It feels like it’s ADD for online-dating/hookups.

scruff

Can you feel special with so many guys online?

I’m sure we’ve all been there where we feel we can’t keep up with all the different guys we communicate with. I caught myself the other day swiping left on every guy on Tinder because I couldn’t decipher which guy was better than the other. How can I decide based on a picture if one guy is better than the other? So I swiped left on all of them. I didn’t really care nor feel that I had the energy to care, and I think this is the reason why it feels like we are disposable. We just don’t care anymore to make one guy feel special.

What do you think? Are we disposable? Or am I reading too much into this and should give up on dating at my age? Leave your comments below.

Just say something Tinder soulmate!

Tinder Meme 2

#StoryOfMyLife

I hate admitting that I, on occasions, several times throughout the day, will log on to tinder and swipe. Yes, I have a serious problem. It’s called being single and bored and living in Sacramento.  I don’t like using Tinder and if there was some sort of weekly support group meeting, I would probably attend…and turn on Tinder to swipe (side note: wouldn’t it be cool if you could actually swipe dudes left or right in real life? Like, you’re just walking down the street and you emphatically swipe right on anyone you find attractive…end of side note)

But what I hate admitting even more is that when I occasionally match with someone, which is really rare since there’s basicalliieee only 10 gay guys in Sacramento using Tinder, I won’t say anything…and they won’t say anything. It’s a whole lot of not saying anything. I look at their pictures and wonder if my potential soulmate will say something charming first like “What are you looking for?” or “How is such a cute guy like yourself single?” Okay, so the latter is only to boost my ego, but most of the time it’s just chirps. It’s like if crickets are running Tinder. And when I occasionally read profiles (because as you know, Tinder isn’t about reading), there are those who complain how no one says anything even with Tinder’s encouraging messages to start a conversation such as “Don’t leave it blank” or “Well you’ve come this far, might as well say something” and my favorite: “It started on Tinder”… I am a repeat offender of the silence, however, if someone does message me, I will respond.

Tinder Meme

Only if you say something!

However, what is bothersome is the silence by both. No one is willing to just say a simple “Hello” or “Cute smile”. You know, conversations starters…I mean, you matched with your potential soulmate or two-week lover why not say something! If you are using Tinder or any other application out there with the same functionalities, why not use it for what it was intended for (meaningless hookups until you meet the love of your life when you both get stood up by your Tinder dates). Is there a reason why we stay silent? By making the first move, does it make us desperate or even less appealing? Is playing the waiting game what we’re supposed to do so we don’t scare away our potential mate? Or have we become so jaded by the lack of response when we do say something???

Whatever the reasons might be, it seems counterproductive. We are, hopefully, mature adults who are able to hold conversations and if you matched, just maybe, maybe you will find a connection by saying a simple “hello.” If you like the guy, just say something! What do we have to lose?

 

 

Online v. Traditional Dating

Scott and me

Left to right: ME, MO. They look so innocent.

From the minds that brought you “Mean Gays”…a new series that dives into the real “important” stuff gay men tend to focus on. See, Jorge is one of those hip, liberal (mostly) gays…and Mexican (So we call him ME). Scott is a bit conservative (but not always), and jovial…and he grew up a Mormon (So we is called MO). With such opposing perspectives, how do ME and MO agree? They don’t. Not usually…rarely actually. It makes for some interesting conversations though.With that short intro in mind join ME (the one who is always right!) and MO for a few conversations on some randomly drafted topics, based on their dealings with the gay community in Sacramento, CA. Because the gay community in Seattle or Phoenix could be completely different…who knows?

Online Dating v. Traditional

Damn dating apps are everywhere. You use them. We use them. Everyone probably uses them and that is what we are debating today. Are they being used too much and has that ruined how people meet and date?

ME: The problem with gay dating is it’s not like you can just go to church or somewhere and meet guys.

MO: There are some churches that are gay friendly where you could possible meet people. Plus, you can find the local spots where gays tend to congregate, outside of bars, like: Ikea, Whole Foods, the gym even, or sushi.

ME: Name one time you met a guy that wasn’t online?

Scott kissingMO: Kyle wasn’t online.

ME: But you met at a gay bar.

MO: So, it was still in real life. Dave. Robert. And there was Jeff…

ME: You’re a whore. Getting to my point, online dating is killing the romance of meeting someone in a gay bar….or any where else for that matter.

MO: I don’t think I would call gay bars romantic.

ME: That isn’t the point. Even if you are just at a coffee shop or a grocery store, the first thing gay men do now is go on Grindr or Scruff to see if the guy they just saw walking down the vegetable aisle is gay instead of just introducing themselves.

MO: You can’t blame them though. The apps have helped gay men avoid the awkwardness and potential danger of hitting on a homophobic straight guy without knowing it.

ME: Well, if the guy gets offended then he is clearly not cool . The homophobic straight should be flattered. I agree they have helped in a way. However, too many times gay men just use the application to hide behind and look without engaging.

MO: I don’t think guys really hide behind it. I mean, it doesn’t make the process more efficient. You don’t have to go through the often disgusting process of avoiding creepers, you know, those guys at the bar that make you shudder at their very touch? With the apps, you are actually more in control of the process of finding a guy.

ME: But when you are using an application, you are picking and choosing based on a few pictures. The majority of the population still meet through friends and at social functions and it seems like gays are just relying on apps nowadays to find a date. And it’s ruining society! (Laughs)

Grindr

Technology run amok!!

MO: How is it ruining it society.

ME: It is…everyone turns into a whore.

MO: Whorish behavior aside, apps actually provide a great way to meet guys that you would have never met before. Especially if you are bound by routine and only go to a few places, or you are very shy. I see guys that I would never run into and I even have “Pen Pals” across the state and country because of these wonderful apps.

ME: Uh, pen pal isn’t dating. If you wanted a pen pal send a freaking guy in prison a letter. We are discussing DATING!

MO: Yeah, but you never know. A pen pal can become something more. Plus, the more guys you know, the bigger your pool of potential mates!

ME: Because you’re a whore. You just want more guys on your “list.”

MO: Always the same argument with you.

ME: All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t rely on your phones to have romance. You should actually break your routine and try to meet guys out in the real world.

MO: And I’m just saying that the romance can be found after you meet a guy digitally. Meeting a guy is only just a part of the journey. There will be plenty of times to be “in the real world” having romantic moments. Apps haven’t killed romance. They just made the process more efficient.

gay dating app

Gay dating be like…

ME: But we already rely our phones to get to know people: email, text, Facebook…all these digital outlets. Maybe we should leave romance out of the digital world.

MO: Well, that’s what you think.

ME: Yeah, because I’m right!

MO: *rolls eyes*

What do you think? Join the debate and leave a comment about your view of online versus traditional dating!

Online dating etiquette

Where has all the romance gone from online dating? I remember the days when you would chat endlessly until the wee hours of the night laughing and giggling like innocent children at all the comic and witty comments being exchanged rather rapidly. It was, in a rather unconventional way, a way to get to know someone. I bring this up because today I received a message from someone and when I opened up this message, the first thing I see is a picture of the guy’s asshole and then a ‘hi’. I wasn’t really sure what to respond to that. “Nice asshole,” maybe? I don’t know. And if that wasn’t enough, someone else asked me to rub soap on their ass after we had just exchanged hellos. I wish I could say this is the first time it has happened.  Am I just attracting assholes? (Only the story of my life!)

I am not exactly sure what to think about it either. I am not on a site that is strictly for sex nor am I asking for it. Nothing in my profile says I want to see pictures of a guy’s asshole or any other private part for that matter. I am confused. If I was to be, let’s say at a bar, would someone come up to me, pull down their pants, bend over and show me their asshole and then say hi? Is this the new proper way of introduction now? Am I missing something?

I know with all this increased technology, especially on our phones, where this actually happened, we chat more comfortably and exchange pictures as it they were currency. Privacy doesn’t seem to exist anymore and neither does leaving anything to the imagination. We are in the age of ‘I’ll send you mine if you send me yours.’ We are in such a hurry to know exactly what the other looks like naked that if we were to actually (God forbid) meet then we would know our soon-to-be-lover has a scar on the lower torso or that their ass is far more harrier than their chest. Where is the art of discovering your lover’s body? Yes, I understand that sometimes it’s good to know the mess we are getting into beforehand which might avoid awkward moments, but are we becoming so superficial that we rather know off hand what we look like naked before even meeting? Is this a cultural norm now? Should I be expected to have a naked picture to send if I decide to do this online dating thing? If I was to decide to send my picture to someone then my very white ass body could be floating out there being looked at and desired, of course, by whomever.

The picture of the asshole, literally an asshole, got me thinking of how much online dating has changed. It’s not cute anymore. It’s not fun. Instead of putting a picture of our best smile, now we are putting pictures of our ass or crotch or six-pack abs (which isn’t always bad to look at but whatever) and having to decide whether or not we would talk to this person based on the latter. I get it that by putting salacious pictures will undoubtedly attract a salacious person. I don’t judge people for what they do. We all do it for our own peculiar reasons. What I do, however, mind is seeing someone’s a-hole before even exchanging a nice ‘hello, how are you?’ Although some could just argue that I am just being rather prude and need to get with the new program. I like to think I have some sort of values that I go by. But you could be the judge of that.