OITNB: El beso de la muerta (The kiss of death)

Miss Rosa and her young protege

The smell of money can bring a certain rush and ignite a hunger for more and in the eight episode of Orange Is The New Black, Miss Rosa’s character vice was money.

In “Appropriately Sized Pots,” the story focused on Miss Rosa (Barbara Rosenblat) and her battle with cancer. We had already learned in a previous episode that Miss Rosa was in jail for robbing banks when she told a young cancer patient of her Bonnie-type days,  and in “Pots,” it dove into her past as well as the present.

In the opening scene Healy tells Miss Rosa that the doctors recommend surgery for her cancer, however, the prison isn’t willing to fork out the money for the surgery. He tells her she has to continue with chemo. Miss Rosa is a tough lady and instead of crying or making a big scene she takes the news as reasonably as possible.

A young Miss Rosa gives her cursed kiss

Her cool demeanor is what made her one of the guys as the flashbacks showed a young, vibrant and sexy Rosa was part of a trio of male bank robbers. But with her first heist came the first casualty. Her boyfriend Mario’s superstition was to get a kiss from Rosa one before and one after the robbery. As they made their way out Mario caught the security guard’s bullet and Mario died in the car after his second kiss. The second casualty came when her second boyfriend, a surviving member from the gang, died from a heart attack after a heist after receiving the second kiss.

With the last surviving male bank robber, Rosa’s thirst for money did not end and wanted to continue to rob another bank. Her male companion tried to stop her and as she tried to give him the second kiss, he refused. She decides to rob the bank solo. It was the last time she smelled money.

At her chemo sessions, Miss Rosa had befriended a teenage boy, who is also getting chemo. To show him she was the real deal, Miss Rosa told him they would pull a heist of their own. They were going to steal money from a nurses’ purse. Her keen eye for observation paid off and they made out with $68. The boy got $20. Back in the prison Miss Rosa lay in her bunk and smelled money once again.

In other prison news, everyone hates Piper (Taylor Schilling). The word is out that she was granted furlough to visit her dying grandmother and the rest of the prison isn’t happy. A theme throughout the season has been the racial divide among the women and the privileges white women receive in prison, and upon learning that a privileged white girl was granted furlough when the other women of color like Poussey who couldn’t visit her dying mother or Sophia who didn’t get closure with her dying father is creating tension between the women. I’ve never been to prison but just like in the real world these racial privileges happen way too often. It wasn’t Piper’s fault for receiving furlough but it shows that in prison the color you are still allows you certain privileges.

Red’s (Kate Mulgrew) plan to turn the greenhouse into a tunnel to sneak in goods hit a road block. Caputo (Nick Sandow) wants to grow some vegetables in the greenhouse and notices that some of the plants are in oversized pots. Figueroa, the warden, questions him why some of the girls in the prison are chewing gum, which is banned in prison, after her very expensive Manolo Blahnik’s steps in one. He has no clue and she ridicules him for not doing his job in front of the correctional officers.

Correctional Officer Fisher stands up to Caputo about how unfairly he singled her out and he fires her on the spot even though he is crushing on her. Caputo realized that Red is the one bringing in the banned goods and turns the greenhouse upside down but Red is way too smart to get caught and has them moved to a safer location.

With Fisher gone, Figueroa brings back a figure from last season who will more than likely be causing trouble once again for the women in the New York prison.

Miss Rosa’s story was one of the better ones to watch this season as her crime spree and cursed kiss showed a sexy and exciting character’s past that some of the other back stories this season have lacked. Her battle with cancer also demonstrates how unfair prison life can be and the politics that goes along with it.

Here are some memorable lines from the show:

“Am I like the boy in the Sixth Sense who sees infractions that no one else sees? Am I in a Shalamala movie?” Figueroa

“One, two, three…what comes after three? I forgot,” Nicky.

“You smell like a turtle tank. Go fucking take a shower,” Pennsatucky to Soso.

“Try to reason with the bitch to lay off the sticky fingers but if she doesn’t listen, drag her to a place no one can see and bash her head real good,” Flaca on her prison advice column.

“No way that white ass is going to clap,” Dayanara to Piper.

“I had medical and dental. I was paying off my Kia,” Fisher after being fired.


OITNB: Clowning around in ‘Comic Sans’

Adrienne Moore as Cindy Hayes on OITNB

Have you ever traveled and some of your belongings from your luggage went missing? Or were felt up in appropriately by a TSA agent as you went through the security check point at the airport? Then you’ve probably ran into someone like Cindy Hayes, Orange is the New Black’s fictional character.

OITNB seventh episode “Comic Sans” focused on the comical Cindy Hayes character played hilariously by Adrienne Moore. In her flashbacks, Hayes employment prior to becoming an inmate at the New York state prison facility was working as a TSA agent, who would rather be fooling around than working. She had no work ethics – stealing laptops and snacks from airport vendors and practically molesting passengers and she tapped them down during the security check point.

As funny and likeable as her character might be, this girl is a slacker, forgetting all sense of responsibility. In her flashbacks, she visits her younger sister for her birthday and gives her the stolen IPad which still contain pictures of the previous owner. She then decides to take her for ice cream but leaves her in the car alone while she talks to her hommies.

When she comes back home late at night, Cindy’s mother chastises her for coming home late. Cindy backfires at her own mother telling her that she can do whatever she wants with her since it’s her own daughter! Yup, her younger sister is her daughter but she does not want the parental responsibilities that go attached with having a child. Instead, Cindy chose to leave her daughter to be raised by her mother.

Cindy and her younger “sister”

Cindy’s lack of responsibility is also visible at the prison. As a worker bee for Vee selling cigarettes, she starts doing what she likes and instead of collecting stamps as she’s supposed to, she has other inmates clean her bunker or bring her food in exchange for smokes. Vee, of course, is not having it and tells her if she wants to continue selling smokes, she better come up with the stamps.

Being the loud mouth that she is, Cindy tells Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) she isn’t afraid of her. But during the night, the lioness pays her a visit and calls her a loser, telling her she has never taken anything serious in her life and has given up on herself. As cruel as it may sound, Vee is right. Cindy is a loser who can’t even admit to having a daughter to a complete stranger.

In other prison news, Piper (Taylo Schilling) meets with the reporter who is trying to find out about the missing 2 million dollars from the prison fund. The reporter thinks the prison warden is either embezzling the money or is getting duped. Piper is also busy with her prison newsletter with the help of Lorna, Flaca and Dayanara – who wrote a comic sans featuring a walrus based on the counselor, Mr. Healy.

Larry (Jason Biggs) and Molly (Piper’s friend) end up having sex. This has been building up in previous episodes as they were spending time together but Molly is married and just had a child so we’ll see what this develops in the next episodes.

Red is continuing her smuggling of goods into prison and learns Vee is smuggling tobacco and knows it will end badly. The old lady with dementia, Jimmy, injures herself in fall and is released from prison but has nowhere to go and the prison isn’t willing to pay for special care. Nicky tells Poussey she should get close to Vee so that Taystee won’t pull away from her.

“I’ll just look that up in the handy inmate Internet they gave us for when we get curious about stuff,” Piper to reporter.

“Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot tall transgender women?” Sophia to Red

“Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot tall transgender women?” Sophia to Red.

“A bunch of Latinas can’t make rice and beans. What’s wrong with this picture?” Gloria.

“Ok but good porn. None of that Japanese shit. And I want a magazine with just guys in it. What?! It’s hot! And plus I don’t want to be exploiting women and shit. It sucks out all the sexy,” Flaca.

“The year book isn’t even a real class. You just take pictures and smoke weed,” Lorna.

“Trust me you do not want to short Vee. She will go wolverine on your ass,” Taystee.





OITNB: Lorna is cuckoo for Christo-puffs

Lorna (Yael Stone) wearing a veil on OITNB’s “A Whole Other Hole”

It looks like Lorna really has some loose screws in her pretty little head, and the inmates learned the vagina has its own separate pee hole in “A Whole Other Hole.” This fourth episode of Orange is the New Black focused on Lorna (Yael Stone) and her sketchy past.

In the previous episode we learned her fiancé Christopher was marrying someone else and we finally got to meet Christopher in her flashbacks but we learn first she is running a credit card scam by ordering expensive clothing like Prada and then telling the company she never received them. She meets Christopher at a local post office as she is picking up her packages and he asks her out on a date.

In present time, Lorna drives Rosa for her chemo sessions from the prison to the hospital and while waiting in the hospital’s parking lot, she looks at her map and takes off. She arrives at a house and breaks in. She sees a picture of Christopher with the new fiancée.

In a courtroom, Christopher is on the stand and recounts his only date with Lorna and how she threatened his life and his fiancée’s. He recounts how she left notes on his car, voice mails about not helping with the dog that did not exist, and how they found a homemade explosive under his fiancée’s car. Lorna, on the other hand, seems happy and tells her lawyer that the whole thing is blown out of proportion.

Back at the house, Lorna goes through Christopher’s belongings and finds the wedding veil and wears it while she fixes herself a bath. Bathing with the veil on, Christopher comes home. She puts on a robe and runs out the house but not before she takes a teddy bear. She makes it to the hospital as Rose finishes her chemo.

Elsewhere in “Hole,” Piper’s (Taylor Schilling) storyline is was left to find her belongs as she starts seeing the other inmates with her books, shoes, and a blanket, which  she tries to get back from Big Boo by pimp out Soso. She is now roommates with Red who is not happy to have new company.

Red (Kate Mulgrew), on the other hand, is trying to get her old friends back but they are not having it. They still haven’t forgiven her for losing kitchen and she instead sits at the old lady table. Red stumbles on an old green house with wooden floors. She pulls one up and finds it leads to the sewer. Could this be the beginning of the great escape for Red or a good way to sneak in products?

The lioness Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) is still on the prowl to regain her queen status in the prison by causing trouble within the own black girl click. She is taking every opportunity she can get even trying separate Taystee from Poussey who shared an intimate moment. Vee tells Taystee that being gay for the stay isn’t right and that people will find out once she gets out. Taystee falls for the trap and doesn’t save a seat for Poussey at movie night.

As in every episode, there are very funny moments and this episode involved the vagina holes as some of the girls were not educated in their reproductive system. Sophia had to draw them a picture as she designed her own vagina.

Sophia educating the prison women about their own chachas,

The flashbacks are working this season for OITNB as it is focusing on the other characters and letting the viewer’s know more details into their life prior to prison. And not only is there politics involved outside the prison but inside is just as corrupt. The power struggles between the ethnic groups is what will drive this season.

Here are some memorable lines from this episode:

“I designed one myself. I had plans drawn up and everything. I’ve seen some funky punani in my days,” Sophia about the vagina holes.

“Stay off my tracks. Enough to clitoference.” Big Boo

“Inspector Gadget was not a good detective. He just had a lot of stuff. Plus he had Penny and The Brain helping him,” Piper.

“Peoples loyalty means nothing because the second you’re not useful to them you’re out,” Red.

“Gay for the stay is for punk ass bitches who aren’t strong enough to be true to themselves,” Vee.