OITNB: Take Away From Your Values

The last time I wrote about Orange Is The New Black was this past summer. Life and winter came around and it took my time away from writing the last three summaries of OITNB. I didn’t want to leave these last 3 episodes undone so I’ll give a very brief summary.

“Take Away from Your Values” was about the mysterious Sister Jane (Beth Fowler). She was God’s servant, a fighter, a rebel, and a narcissist. In the end, it was her selfish behavior which got her booted from the church and into prison. Without the church backing her up, she was not legally supported for all the protesting she was doing.

In “Values,” she also tried to help Soso but lands herself in the hospital after she becomes weak from joining Soso’s hunger strike to improve the overall quality of life in prison. All it got Sister Jane was a trip to the infirmary.

In Piper and Alex news, Piper calls Alex and asks her why Alex screwed her over. Alex tells Piper that Cooper (Alex’s old drug lord boss) walked from the trail because of a mistrial and now he’s after her. Piper learns that she is being transferred to Virginia with a few other inmates.

Larry and Polly, the oddest couple from this season, must also come clean to Polly’s husband, Pete, of their recent love connection. It doesn’t bode well with Pete as he punches Larry in the face.

After Red finds out that Big Boo betrayed her to Vee, Red confronts her with the rest of the AARP gang and expels her from her gang. It wasn’t a good episode for Big Boo. Not only did Red kick her out of her gang but Vee tells Big Boo she doesn’t like snitches.

Here are some of the better lines from “Values”:
“Did you come back to prison on accident or because outside you’re too weak for anybody to take seriously,” Poussey to Vee.
“I give you Bengay and this is how you repay me?!” Red
“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m Australian” Pete.
“You’re like a pedophile without the sex,” Poussey to Vee.
“I remember the Alamo too, but that don’t keep me from eating Mexican food,” Hayes.
“We would like more musical guests, like Johnny Cash” Angie. “Johnny Cash is dead” Yoga
“Look, I’m Edward Pizzahand,” Angie.
“Don’t talk to me about spirit. Without me, you’re just a couple of hippies on welfare,” Sister Jane.
“You come back here with your scarecrow gang, trying to act all gangster. You try to buy my loyalty with candy and skincare products,” Big Boo.


OITNB: Little Mustachioed Shit

Piper and Alex on “Little Mustachioed Shit” in OITNB

Karma is a bitch and it usually comes back to bite you in the ass just as hard or even harder than expected. In “Little Mustachioed Shit,” Piper (Taylor Schilling) discovered out the hard way what it feels like to be betrayed by someone she considered her best friend.

In the flashbacks, Piper was the other women and last season, Piper cheated on Larry with Alex. This time around Piper’s best friend, Polly (Maria Dizzia) slept with Larry. Larry told Piper he had slept with someone Piper knew. Polly went to visit Piper in prison and through an awkward conversation, where the truth wasn’t actually revealed, Polly’s behavior said more than was necessary for Piper to figure out who the other woman was.

“Mustachioed” focused on Piper and Alex’s beginning romance. After sleeping with Alex, Piper learned she had a girlfriend when she was punched in the face while Alex’s bed. Alex told her it was ‘complicated” as if it was a Facebook status. Of course Piper wasn’t finished and one night  followed Alex to the women’s bathroom at the bar.

A younger Piper was telling her best friend, Polly,  of her new lesbian experience when someone left a bag of shit on fire in front of their house by Alex’s former girlfriend.  In present time, Piper had her new sister-in-law do the same to Polly. Also in present time, Piper returned to prison after her furlough. She lied to Red about Red’s business which had closed down. She also received another letter from Alex but refused to open until she found out that Polly had slept with Larry.

Vee on OITNB

In other prison news, Vee and her gang have made a name for themselves as the rest of the prison knows about their business gainig the respect of the other fellow inmates. Vee has also made Crazy Eyes the sidekick and also the girl who does the dirty work. Vee is the queen of the lioness pride and is taking full advantage of it. Although Poussey is not falling in line, Vee wants the library as a place to hide her product. Poussey gets drunk off her own concoction she brewed up and drunkenly attacks Vee in the bathroom where Crazy Eyes quickly takes Vee’s orders and beats a drunken Poussey.

Nicky is tempted by the heroin that was given her but Gina followed her around to make sure she didn’t use. In the end, Nicky gave Red the heroin and tells her that Vee is smuggling in drugs. Vee also pays a visit to Red’s greenhouse who wants to use the greenhouse as a means of transporting drugs in. Red isn’t having none of it and tells her to find another way.

Lorna gets a surprised visit from Christopher.  But it isn’t a happy one she was hoping for. Christopher isn’t thrilled to see her and accuses her of breaking into his house. As Nicky watches, he tells her that she’s  psycho and will kill her if she comes near his family.  Lorna runs out of the room and confesses to Nicky that she might be a little crazy for which Nicky replies that she still loves her anyway.

Pornstache on OITNB

The other big news is Pornstache’s love for Dayanara. Pablo Schreiber as Mendez steals the show in his shorts scenes. He’s an asshole you feel sorry for because he has no clue he’s being played by Dayanara. In his twisted mind, he loves her and when he’s told Dayanara is pregnant, he doesn’t care he’s going to prison since sex with a female inmate is considered rape. “Mustachioed” ends with Pornstache arrested for his sexual crime and telling Dayanara to wait for him.

Here are some memorable lines from the episode:

“They’re from Marshal’s. Fuck you!” Piper about her shoes.

“That poor girl is carrying around a sadistic little mustachioed shit inside her,” Caputo to Pornstache.

“Hey girl, sorry I fucked you over in Chicago. It was for your own good. Let me lick your pussy,” Nicky about Alex’s letter.

“I’ve never been punched before. It was probably a good life experience,” Piper.

“Did you cry it out the other night, after your little lady meltdown,” Pornstach.

“In case you ain’t notice, this place is full of criminals and we’re 2 of them. Three if you include coo-coo over here,” Taystee to Poussey.

“You know what that means? It’s all coming through the rectal pipeland. You know what that means? Someone has been slacking with the cough and squat,” Correctional officer Bell.

“Why don’t you get me an Iphone so I can take photos and play CandyCrush?” Piper to reporter.

“Stop hitting walls. And plot your revenge,” Red to Piper.

“I’d like to join your little garden club” Vee. “We’re not accepting new members,” Red.

“Your ass haunts me,” Caputo. “Sorry to hear that sir,” Pornstache.

OITNB: Prison family is key for survival

Red and Vee in a prison flashback

Finally Orange Is The New Black gave me the episode I had been waiting for since they introduced Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) this season in “40 oz of Furlough” by flashing backing back to Red (Kate Mulgrew) and Vee’s prison past. It revealed when these two different but strong women met each other at the Litchfield Penitentiary.

Both Red and Vee arrived to the prison around the same time and as soon as Vee came in, the black girl gang brought her some prison essentials as an offering to be part of their gang. Vee told them she didn’t want it and offered some to a fragile Red who has been recruited to kitchen duties. Red quickly takes advantage of the kitchen, beginning to sneak in goods and shows Vee her secret.

One day a black girl comes back and tells Red she wants to buy the kitchen smuggling business. The Russian redhead laughs it off and tells her to bring in her boss. Vee later shows up in Red’s kitchen and asks Red who she though ordered the girl to buy it. Red is confused and considers Vee a friend but Vee tells her they never made a friendship bracelet. Vee demands her to continue taking in orders but that her girls will distribute the product. Red tells her she will tell Healy but Vee tells her that Red’s first mistake was not having any backup and slaps her across the face and orders her girls to beat up Red.

In prison you need family to survive and if you got one the better off you are and Red has been on the outs with her friends since she lost her kitchen and has been desperately trying to get them back since Vee arrived. She’s made new friends with the AARP club (old ladies) but since she’s had her “greenhouse” business going with no backup, she has been trying to get her old friends back.

She asks Nicky to get the girls at the greenhouse for dinner. The gang (Nicky, Lorna, Big Boo, Gina, Yoga Jones, Sister Jane, Norma and the AARP gang) meet for dinner and Red tells them they are her family and she is sorry for hurting them in the end. Norma, the quiet one, accepts the apology and the rest follow. The dinner reminded me of the last supper with Red, playing Christ, and her posse of apostles and a trader among them.

Red and her AARP gang.

These flashbacks are what the season needed to tie Red and Vee together. They were strong women before the prison and continue to be strong in the prison in knowing how to survive. Red is not making the same mistake this time around.

The other major story in “Furlough” was Piper (Taylor Schilling) getting 48 hours of freedom to attend her grandmother’s funeral. Schilling showed her comedic side again as there were plenty of jokes about Piper’s prison days and her ex’s flaccid penis. However, the jokes are quickly overshadowed by the fact that Piper wasn’t there for her grandmother’s last surviving days and her father being disappointed in her. To add to that, Piper learns that Larry slept with a close friend of hers as they tried to have sex. While in the bathroom with Larry, she realizes their relationship is over.

Piper drinking a 40 oz across NYC

While Piper had 48 hours of freedom, it seemed like she never felt more lost in her old world. Her relationship was over, her grandmother was dead, her brother was starting a new life, and her father was didn’t approve of her life. She ended up leaving the funeral/brother’s wedding reception to go check on Red’s business which was now closed. She buys a 40 oz. Colt 45 and watches New York City from Harlem, realizing that her life isn’t there anymore.

In other prison news, Poussey learns that Vee is not just smuggling in tobacco. She questions Taystee about it but Taystee tells her not to get in Vee’s way because Vee’s her family. Pornstasch enters prison and begins his reign again as the prison asshole but has competition from a jealous Bennett who makes a big reveal to Caputo.

Here are some memorable quotes from this episode:

“What could I possibly be taking out of prison?” Piper.

“It just warms my heart you’re finding your way in here, settling in with the AARP crowd,” Vee.

“Mendez is back bitches,” Pornstach.

“Just one, I learned I like to smoke after I read my sati times novelas. It feels glamorous you know. But I am not a real smoker,” Flaca.

“This sound great. I like where your head is at. It’s great to know you’re a rule breaking criminal at heart,” Cal (Piper’s brother).

“Nope see, no handcuffs,” Piper.

“I can see that with my normal people eyes. I bet those slits make it hard for you to see,” Pornstach to Soso.

“How long as it been since you came in a real life vagina and not in your hand,” Piper to Larry.

“Do not defend your boner to me right now,” Piper to Larry limp penis.

“The D list Burt Reynolds but more rapey,” Soso about pornstach.

“One of them looked like a Disney witch,” Ramos.

OITNB: Clowning around in ‘Comic Sans’

Adrienne Moore as Cindy Hayes on OITNB

Have you ever traveled and some of your belongings from your luggage went missing? Or were felt up in appropriately by a TSA agent as you went through the security check point at the airport? Then you’ve probably ran into someone like Cindy Hayes, Orange is the New Black’s fictional character.

OITNB seventh episode “Comic Sans” focused on the comical Cindy Hayes character played hilariously by Adrienne Moore. In her flashbacks, Hayes employment prior to becoming an inmate at the New York state prison facility was working as a TSA agent, who would rather be fooling around than working. She had no work ethics – stealing laptops and snacks from airport vendors and practically molesting passengers and she tapped them down during the security check point.

As funny and likeable as her character might be, this girl is a slacker, forgetting all sense of responsibility. In her flashbacks, she visits her younger sister for her birthday and gives her the stolen IPad which still contain pictures of the previous owner. She then decides to take her for ice cream but leaves her in the car alone while she talks to her hommies.

When she comes back home late at night, Cindy’s mother chastises her for coming home late. Cindy backfires at her own mother telling her that she can do whatever she wants with her since it’s her own daughter! Yup, her younger sister is her daughter but she does not want the parental responsibilities that go attached with having a child. Instead, Cindy chose to leave her daughter to be raised by her mother.

Cindy and her younger “sister”

Cindy’s lack of responsibility is also visible at the prison. As a worker bee for Vee selling cigarettes, she starts doing what she likes and instead of collecting stamps as she’s supposed to, she has other inmates clean her bunker or bring her food in exchange for smokes. Vee, of course, is not having it and tells her if she wants to continue selling smokes, she better come up with the stamps.

Being the loud mouth that she is, Cindy tells Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) she isn’t afraid of her. But during the night, the lioness pays her a visit and calls her a loser, telling her she has never taken anything serious in her life and has given up on herself. As cruel as it may sound, Vee is right. Cindy is a loser who can’t even admit to having a daughter to a complete stranger.

In other prison news, Piper (Taylo Schilling) meets with the reporter who is trying to find out about the missing 2 million dollars from the prison fund. The reporter thinks the prison warden is either embezzling the money or is getting duped. Piper is also busy with her prison newsletter with the help of Lorna, Flaca and Dayanara – who wrote a comic sans featuring a walrus based on the counselor, Mr. Healy.

Larry (Jason Biggs) and Molly (Piper’s friend) end up having sex. This has been building up in previous episodes as they were spending time together but Molly is married and just had a child so we’ll see what this develops in the next episodes.

Red is continuing her smuggling of goods into prison and learns Vee is smuggling tobacco and knows it will end badly. The old lady with dementia, Jimmy, injures herself in fall and is released from prison but has nowhere to go and the prison isn’t willing to pay for special care. Nicky tells Poussey she should get close to Vee so that Taystee won’t pull away from her.

“I’ll just look that up in the handy inmate Internet they gave us for when we get curious about stuff,” Piper to reporter.

“Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot tall transgender women?” Sophia to Red

“Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot tall transgender women?” Sophia to Red.

“A bunch of Latinas can’t make rice and beans. What’s wrong with this picture?” Gloria.

“Ok but good porn. None of that Japanese shit. And I want a magazine with just guys in it. What?! It’s hot! And plus I don’t want to be exploiting women and shit. It sucks out all the sexy,” Flaca.

“The year book isn’t even a real class. You just take pictures and smoke weed,” Lorna.

“Trust me you do not want to short Vee. She will go wolverine on your ass,” Taystee.





OITNB: Don’t mess with a Latina, you’ll get burned

Gloria (Selenis Leyva) confronts Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) in “Low Self Esteem City”

The fifth episode of Orange is the New Black focused on prison cook Gloria Mendoza (Selenis Leyva) and the bang-off contest between Big Boo and Nicky – the only show that could actually get away with having this as a plot line for the characters.

Finally we learn more about Gloria’s past in “Low Self Esteem City.” The first flashback takes us to Gloria working a convenience store somewhere in New York. In the back of the store, her aunt is performing a sort of cleansing on a man. An angry customer walks in and asks for a refund because his cleansing didn’t. As they wait in the store, a customer walks in with a Welfare debit card and asks her for cash instead. She tells him no in a loud voice so the other customers hear she doesn’t do fraud, yet she takes the card and keeps $50 as a fee. Her Dominican boyfriend shows up and as she jokes with him about not having a job, he slaps her.

Gloria isn’t the tough girl she is inside the prison as we see her take her boyfriend back even after her aunt warns her this is not a way of  being treated. Her aunt tells her that he could start hitting Gloria’s two young sons but he publicly begs her and cries on his knees at a playground. Her aunt was right though and we later learn that he hit one of her kids.

Gloria tells her aunt that she’s been saving money in a box from the welfare debit cards she’s been accepting. As she is telling her this, the police come in and arrest her for fraud. The disgruntled customer ratted her out. But before this happens her boyfriend comes in with apologies and sees her box. But never mess with a ‘curandera’ (healer) because their magic comes back to bite you in the worst possible way.

Back at the prison, the Spanish Harlem bathroom is flooded and the Latina girls take over the black girl bathroom. Vee (Lorraine Toussaint), of course, is not taking this lightly. This time around she plays it cool though and starts taking control of situation by playing games. Vee tells Gloria to move 2 girls from maintenance to the kitchen so two of Vee’s girls can move to maintenance, it seems like a smart move, but Red tells Gloria she’s been played. When Gloria confronts Vee, she sort plays the hyena in disguise by telling Gloria she wants no trouble, yet the lioness lurks inside her taking control while no one else notices.

Piper (Taylor Schilling) learns that her grandmother is dying when her mother and brother visit her. She asks Sam, the counselor, for a three-day furlough but he tells her they don’t exist. Later though Sam tells her he is putting her on the list but she has to call her fiancé, Larry, to make sure she can stay at their house.

Big Boo and Nicky in OITNB

And since boredom must kick in heavily at a prison, Nicky and Big Boo come up with the bang-off contest. It’s kind of like playing a basketball game, whoever scores the most wins. The girls are ranked in points by how hard they are to lay. Nicky takes a challenge in trying to bang the correctional officer Fisher who is considered a 10 pointer.

Things are starting to get interesting in the prison. Players are making chest moves and positioning themselves in places to gain power. We’ll have to wait and see how things will work out.

Here are some memorable lines from the episode:

“I was hoping that you would have like a gnarly scar. Add character and mystery,” Piper’s brother.

“Furlough is much like the Loch Ness monster. Much discussed but never seen,” Sam.

“I’ll put a coconut in my sock and BAAAM! Sock a nut bitch!…I’m just playing.” Hayes.

“I don’t smell fingers. I just write numbers,” Chang.

“Bagnut. It’s like a bagel crossed with a donut,” Larry

“Le voy a poner una vela a Santa Barbara para que te destruya!” Gloria’s tia.

OITNB: Lorna is cuckoo for Christo-puffs

Lorna (Yael Stone) wearing a veil on OITNB’s “A Whole Other Hole”

It looks like Lorna really has some loose screws in her pretty little head, and the inmates learned the vagina has its own separate pee hole in “A Whole Other Hole.” This fourth episode of Orange is the New Black focused on Lorna (Yael Stone) and her sketchy past.

In the previous episode we learned her fiancé Christopher was marrying someone else and we finally got to meet Christopher in her flashbacks but we learn first she is running a credit card scam by ordering expensive clothing like Prada and then telling the company she never received them. She meets Christopher at a local post office as she is picking up her packages and he asks her out on a date.

In present time, Lorna drives Rosa for her chemo sessions from the prison to the hospital and while waiting in the hospital’s parking lot, she looks at her map and takes off. She arrives at a house and breaks in. She sees a picture of Christopher with the new fiancée.

In a courtroom, Christopher is on the stand and recounts his only date with Lorna and how she threatened his life and his fiancée’s. He recounts how she left notes on his car, voice mails about not helping with the dog that did not exist, and how they found a homemade explosive under his fiancée’s car. Lorna, on the other hand, seems happy and tells her lawyer that the whole thing is blown out of proportion.

Back at the house, Lorna goes through Christopher’s belongings and finds the wedding veil and wears it while she fixes herself a bath. Bathing with the veil on, Christopher comes home. She puts on a robe and runs out the house but not before she takes a teddy bear. She makes it to the hospital as Rose finishes her chemo.

Elsewhere in “Hole,” Piper’s (Taylor Schilling) storyline is was left to find her belongs as she starts seeing the other inmates with her books, shoes, and a blanket, which  she tries to get back from Big Boo by pimp out Soso. She is now roommates with Red who is not happy to have new company.

Red (Kate Mulgrew), on the other hand, is trying to get her old friends back but they are not having it. They still haven’t forgiven her for losing kitchen and she instead sits at the old lady table. Red stumbles on an old green house with wooden floors. She pulls one up and finds it leads to the sewer. Could this be the beginning of the great escape for Red or a good way to sneak in products?

The lioness Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) is still on the prowl to regain her queen status in the prison by causing trouble within the own black girl click. She is taking every opportunity she can get even trying separate Taystee from Poussey who shared an intimate moment. Vee tells Taystee that being gay for the stay isn’t right and that people will find out once she gets out. Taystee falls for the trap and doesn’t save a seat for Poussey at movie night.

As in every episode, there are very funny moments and this episode involved the vagina holes as some of the girls were not educated in their reproductive system. Sophia had to draw them a picture as she designed her own vagina.

Sophia educating the prison women about their own chachas,

The flashbacks are working this season for OITNB as it is focusing on the other characters and letting the viewer’s know more details into their life prior to prison. And not only is there politics involved outside the prison but inside is just as corrupt. The power struggles between the ethnic groups is what will drive this season.

Here are some memorable lines from this episode:

“I designed one myself. I had plans drawn up and everything. I’ve seen some funky punani in my days,” Sophia about the vagina holes.

“Stay off my tracks. Enough to clitoference.” Big Boo

“Inspector Gadget was not a good detective. He just had a lot of stuff. Plus he had Penny and The Brain helping him,” Piper.

“Peoples loyalty means nothing because the second you’re not useful to them you’re out,” Red.

“Gay for the stay is for punk ass bitches who aren’t strong enough to be true to themselves,” Vee.

OITNB: Are hugs deceiving?

Vee (Lorraine Toussaint) and Crazy Eyes (Uzo Aduba) on “Hugs Can Be Deceiving”

“Hugs Can Be Deceiving,” the third episode of the current season of Orange Is the New Black, had a lot going on since Piper arrived back to the prison with the rest of her cellmates. In Hugs, we also got more insight into Crazy Eyes as the story showed flashbacks of when she was younger. This episode wasn’t as good as the previous as the story line is getting more complicated and involving the rest of the supporting cast, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

So instead of doing a rundown of what happened throughout the entire episode, I’ll give a summary of the main players involved in this episode.

Crazy Eyes: We first get a glimpse of young Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” (played insanely perfect by Uzo Aduba) meeting her newborn white sister dressed in a pink butterfly suit. Her parents were able conceive after adopting her. In these flashbacks, we get to see Crazy Eyes’ mental stability. In one particular flashback, her mother has pushed her to sing at her high school graduation, and as a teenage Suzanne stands before her classmates, she begins to scream she can’t and hitting herself in the head.

Although her mother’s intention was for Crazy Eyes to have the same opportunities as the rest of her white friends/classmates, by pushing her to be someone else, it, however, didn’t allow Crazy Eyes to be herself. Crazy Eyes took out her anger instead on Piper, who resembled her mother, in a flashback to the season finale episode that revealed Crazy Eyes punched Piper and saved Pennsatucky from getting killed.

Vee (Lorraine Toussaint): Former Taystee boss seems to be a big player this season. Although her scenes were minimal, her lioness demeanor was very present. She revealed that she had been in prison before as she and Red hugged and reminisced about old times. Vee also befriended Crazy Eyes and told her she was a garden rose and  to not consider herself anything less. It seems that Vee is stirring up trouble in what seems to be a peaceful women’s prison. She traded some old cigarettes with the new cook Gloria for a cake she then shared with the other black girls. She told Crazy Eyes that when she was there, the black girls ruled the prison and it seems this lioness is trying to reclaim her turf again by gathering all the other black girls and creating a deeper racial divide.

Pennsatucky not only came back with new teeth but also with a much bigger ego. Her friends accused of thinking she was better than them and are not liking her new found attitude. Pennsatucky and Piper also met to hug out their differences.

Larry also meets with City Post reporter Andrew who wants an inside scoop on the prison since he’s investigating money laundry. The reporter told him he wants to talk to Piper. Larry tells him that he will talk to Piper and the counselor since he’s gotten closer to him. Of course, all of this is a lie since Larry and Piper are no longer together.

Lorna learns through a phone conversation with her sister that her fiancée, who’s never visited her at the prison, is marrying someone else. She is heart broken.

Deception was a big part of this episode. Even though we consider hugs to be warm and friendly, the hugs given in this episode were  frigid and full of lies.  Here are a few great lines from the show.

“The White Michelle Williams” –Poussey to Taystee on a charade game.

“Momma said pretty is for flowers and movies stars ‘cause neither one gots a brain,” Leanne to Pennsatucky

“He doesn’t realize she’s a whore. You don’t go Jessica Simpson when he’s got Rhianna,” Lorna on hearing her fiancée is leaving her.

“You’re one Cheerio in the bulk box of life but you fucking tickle me so I think it would matter” Nicky to Piper after Piper confesses about considering death.

“You’ll even get the hang of pooping while making eye contact with somebody,” Piper to new inmate Soso.