Breaking up through email/text: the new normal

Men use to write love letters on pieces of paper and would take days if not weeks to reach their destination. It used to be a grand romantic gesture that women would swoon over, fall madly in love and even books were written about this kind of romance. Now with the invention of the Internet, this romantic gesture seems to be long gone. Yes, people send emails confessing their love but more importantly, and might I add cowardly, men are suing emails and text to breakup with their lovers. Songs have been written about it (mostly by Taylor Swift) but it shows this growing trend of making the breakup less personal and a lot more digital. There is no face to face, no seeing the other person cry, no begging your lover why he is doing this. This digital breakup is a quick cut, leaving the other person high and dry and baffled and stunned. Breaking up is never easy, regardless of the relationship, but to do it over an email/text shows how men are cowards. A poll done by Cosmo (I know not the best source for information) showed that that 27 percent of women claimed they were dumped via a digital way. Although women, you are not free from committing this relationship crime either. A PEW research poll showed that 18 percent of woman are doing it as well.

I noticed this trend when it happened to a close friend of mine, a cousin and me. I just thought my breakup was a unique one since I was living in a different country than my partner, and I was baffled when I received a Facebook message in all capitols that said we were never NOTHING, but that is for a different story to tell. But my friend and cousin’s situation were a lot different. The men were living in the same city; however, these classy guys decided the best way to end their perspective relationship was through the digital world. In an episode of “Sex and The City”, Carrie gets dumped through a post-it note and when she reads it, the guy is long gone.  When she runs into the ex-lover’s friends, she makes a fool of herself by going off on the guy’s friends over this post-it breakup. Carrie’s burst of anger is what many feel when these email/text breakups occur.  It creates a heightened sense of animosity.

So why do men feel like this is the most appropriate way of ending their relationship? Do they feel that avoiding face to face encounter will bring the worst in women or their lover? Is it much easier and faster to avoid all that pain and anguish that breaking up causes by doing it over email/text? I get it. It’s uncomfortable to breakup with someone whether it be a four month or a three year relationship, however, doing it over an email only shows that you have no balls. Men are constantly scratching them and making sure they are there so why not use them to get some courage and be respectful of that person and let them know that hey, things aren’t working out. Use the line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but at least give them the respect they so rightly deserve regardless of how crazy you think that person is and let them know in person that it’s over.

This email/text breakup is never okay. Yes, emails/text are a fast way to communicate your thoughts and feelings to someone, but ultimately we are still human and part of being human is interacting humanly. The temptation might be there to breakup digitally because it’s so easy but suck it up! Men, please grow some balls, and the next time you decide to breakup with your girl, don’t send them a text. It not only makes you look childish but you will be forever known as that guy who broke up over an email/text, whichever the preference may be.

Online dating etiquette

Where has all the romance gone from online dating? I remember the days when you would chat endlessly until the wee hours of the night laughing and giggling like innocent children at all the comic and witty comments being exchanged rather rapidly. It was, in a rather unconventional way, a way to get to know someone. I bring this up because today I received a message from someone and when I opened up this message, the first thing I see is a picture of the guy’s asshole and then a ‘hi’. I wasn’t really sure what to respond to that. “Nice asshole,” maybe? I don’t know. And if that wasn’t enough, someone else asked me to rub soap on their ass after we had just exchanged hellos. I wish I could say this is the first time it has happened.  Am I just attracting assholes? (Only the story of my life!)

I am not exactly sure what to think about it either. I am not on a site that is strictly for sex nor am I asking for it. Nothing in my profile says I want to see pictures of a guy’s asshole or any other private part for that matter. I am confused. If I was to be, let’s say at a bar, would someone come up to me, pull down their pants, bend over and show me their asshole and then say hi? Is this the new proper way of introduction now? Am I missing something?

I know with all this increased technology, especially on our phones, where this actually happened, we chat more comfortably and exchange pictures as it they were currency. Privacy doesn’t seem to exist anymore and neither does leaving anything to the imagination. We are in the age of ‘I’ll send you mine if you send me yours.’ We are in such a hurry to know exactly what the other looks like naked that if we were to actually (God forbid) meet then we would know our soon-to-be-lover has a scar on the lower torso or that their ass is far more harrier than their chest. Where is the art of discovering your lover’s body? Yes, I understand that sometimes it’s good to know the mess we are getting into beforehand which might avoid awkward moments, but are we becoming so superficial that we rather know off hand what we look like naked before even meeting? Is this a cultural norm now? Should I be expected to have a naked picture to send if I decide to do this online dating thing? If I was to decide to send my picture to someone then my very white ass body could be floating out there being looked at and desired, of course, by whomever.

The picture of the asshole, literally an asshole, got me thinking of how much online dating has changed. It’s not cute anymore. It’s not fun. Instead of putting a picture of our best smile, now we are putting pictures of our ass or crotch or six-pack abs (which isn’t always bad to look at but whatever) and having to decide whether or not we would talk to this person based on the latter. I get it that by putting salacious pictures will undoubtedly attract a salacious person. I don’t judge people for what they do. We all do it for our own peculiar reasons. What I do, however, mind is seeing someone’s a-hole before even exchanging a nice ‘hello, how are you?’ Although some could just argue that I am just being rather prude and need to get with the new program. I like to think I have some sort of values that I go by. But you could be the judge of that.