The Temporary Object of His Affection

It’s always great when someone makes you feel sexy. Like when you catch a stranger checking you out while you ride your bike, or when a guy from your gym unexpectedly “woofs” at you through a phone app. It’s totally sexy! And a great boost to our self-confidence.

It kind of feels like a drug and you walk around like “I got it going on!” Yes, no one says this but old people. I’m old! – which is why when someone finds you attractive at 38, you’re like yaaasssss!

So when this guy from the gym asked me out for dinner, I didn’t really want to go on a ‘date’ but he insisted that he wanted to do something nice for me. I had been going through a rough patch and he wanted to cheer me up. I was like, “ok”.

He took me to this ‘trendy’ spot for dinner and we chatted and laughed. It was delightful. He was very attentive and complimentary. He told me I had such a great soul and how sexy I was. I was like “hehehe” – all coy and shit. Then he suggested that we go to his place and watch a something on TV. I knew what that meant. But I wanted to make-out – I had been going through a rough patch!

He continued to be charming the whole time we were together and it threw me off. Was he into me or was he just trying to get into my pants? Either way, it was working. The pants flew off. The next day he was still very nice. I didn’t have to use Lyft to get home. He drove and bought me coffee. I was like oh! Maybe he does like me.

ChismeWhen I got home, like a 16-year old girl, I text a friend and told her the good news! The dry spell was over! We met for the chisme. After chismeando, I walked home and I ran into him at a coffee shop, and he was sitting there with a guy (probably his butt buddy). We said “Hi” to each other and I continued home. He texted me later and said it was a delight to see me again and that he loved my sunglasses.

gaspI texted him back hours later (I didn’t want to seem desperate texting right away!) and told him I had fun too and that we should hang out again soon. He texted me back saying he was very busy and that he was still working on himself…WTF?! I had gotten the brush off!  And had just been used! For sex! I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, maybe a lover, but not a lifetime commitment here.

After that text, I started to wonder. Was it me? Did I come off too strong as wanting more? Or was I just terrible in bed? God, I hope I wasn’t terrible in bed. I mean it’s always off the first time you have sex with someone new, right? Right?? Then I thought about it, he used me for sex because he found me attractive. This was a compliment! I was the temporary object of his affection. It was sexy…in a sort of degrading type-of-way. Instead of wondering why he didn’t want to see me again, I took this adventure to boost my self-confidence because I still had it going on!

Boom

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New dating site offers part-time love

Who’s down to have a part-time relationship? A raise of hands? According to a new website, this is now possible! Maybe you don’t have time to be in a fully committed relationship either because you are focused on your career or you have gone through a messy divorce or just don’t want the responsibilities of a full-time relationship, but the idea of having a companion, part-time that is, is a rather favorable choice to not consume your everyday life. According to the Parttimelove website, a part-time relationship is a “meaningful romance without the everyday commitment.”

I am having a little bit of trouble understanding this concept. Is this like a part-time job where you are only available certain hours during the week and you only put the effort when you have the time for it? Most people would call this part-time relationship a “booty call,” but according to the founder of the website, Helen Croydon who is an author and blogger, says that the ultimate goal is for lasting love, not a casual encounter.

The website states, “[w]e are not a no-strings website. Friends-with-benefits this is not. We are a platform for contented singletons who want to find genuine romance with chemistry, friendship and respect, without the five-times-a-week demands of a conventional relationship.” The site makes it sound as if though being in a relationship is a job.

The site was launched in January and it seems to cater to people in the UK, US and Australia. It doesn’t say how many current members belong to the site.  However, one testimonial says, “I have found a wonderful weekend lover. He asks for nor more and the times we spend together are magical” from “Leah, 38.”

Maybe the idea and intention is unique but I am not sure how it works when feelings begin to develop beyond the physical attraction as the ultimate goal of this site is to have genuine romance. Can you really have part-time feelings for someone? If you are genuinely invested in someone for who they are and how they make you feel, how could it be just a part-time relationship? Feelings for someone aren’t measured in quantity. You either feel for someone or you don’t. And although you may not always be able to spend time with the person because of whatever is going on in your life or their life, your feelings aren’t half-full or half-empty.

I have to admit this type of relationship does sound appealing. On the one side, you are sort of protecting yourself and allowing yourself to be your own person and have your own space without compromising the supposed relationship or your own person. It’s somewhat ideal. It’s the no-fuss, no-muss-type of relationship. But on the other side, part of being in a relationship is being vulnerable. And eventually, one person or even both may want to have a more committed relationship which sort of defeats the purpose of the part-time relationship this site claims to be.

Croydon wanted her site to be for singletons to enjoy a meaningful love affair without sacrificing their existing lifestyles but even if this is the case at a certain point in this part-time relationship you will start to demand something from the other person to either go to certain places whether it be a birthday party or a vacation. I mean part of why you would want to have this part-time lover is not only to cuddle in bed but to also enjoy each other’s company outside the bedroom as well.